It is that time again…

…the time of cattails,

Typha latifolia


a little later than usual,

but the furry corn dogs are finally ready, and so were my halflings.

Cattail spells were cast on long wands, sending fluff floating high into the sky,

only to rain down into eyes,

and onto the end of long Anubis noses.

Next years crop of cattail wands is going to be a lot larger as I have now introduced another bog tank dedicated to this versatile marginal plant.

While all this activity was going on I decided to ignite a corn dog myself (as you do) to see just how good of a tinder these plants actually make.

This time I made sure I was not in close proximity to any of my ornamental grasses.

Moving along:

I checked on the two tiny plumosa ferns that I planted against my gate a few weeks back.

One has wasted no time climbing up the iron frame. These two plants will eventually cover and soften this arched gate,

like the entrance to a Hobbiton domicile…

well, that is the goal at least.

This plumosa in another part of the Patch has been strangling this Tikki torch for quite some time. I decided to unravel it,

then re-ravel it onto a more permanent structure.

My rosemary bushes are in full form at the moment, most of them are blooming or just about to.

Can you have too many?…

I know I have, and they are huge, great for an entryway.

 

 

 

 

 

Winter foliage color provided by a purple leaf sand cherry,

Prunus x cistena


and my ever-spreading desert trumpet vine, also known as Port St.John’s Creeper or Port St.John’s-klimop.

This vine looks great when most things don’t.

Just as she was making a new friend the hatchling’s rather large mother returned…

Hand sanitizer!

Finally:

Getting smoother now…

I am proud to announce that we have now entered the 3rd stage (pre-polishing) rock tumbling phase (snort), this phase apparently lasts between 7 and 10 days,

A little more enthusiasm is in order here Hermione?

Stay Tuned for:

“Turning the Corner”

 

All material © 2012 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

January 8, 2012

“Just Leaf it Alone”

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New Year fireworks take out some feather grasses, a soft-leaf yucca contracts the phage and I get to do my least favorite chore this week inside the East Side Patch.

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November 16, 2009

A Hard Days Work in the Garden?

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What better at the end of a hard days work in the garden, then to sit down on your back deck, to savor a deliciously refreshing, ice cold… “Value Lager”? Life doesn’t get any better, or generic, does it?

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November 17, 2009

“The Company of Wolves”

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Painting of the famous rhyme Little Red Riding Hood by French painter Fleury Francois Richard (1777-1852).   Louvre Museum. We recently were talking about this rather surreal tale in the Patch, (my eldest hobbit is reading “Little Red”) so I thought I would check it out in a little more detail. As it turns out [...]

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November 21, 2009

“Baggins and Tape”

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“In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to serve as a flotation device” And even more rain in Central Texas…and even more mosquitoes, although I have noticed that they are getting slower, their desperation for the red matter making them easier to swat. There are also some mosquito-monsters, what is that? [...]

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November 25, 2009

“The Leaf, the Witch and the Water-feature”

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One rainy day, our children decided to explore our house in more detail, our eldest, was curious about the wardrobe in our empty back room. She soon discovered that it was a portal to a snow-covered forest with a landscaped garden that featured a focal gas-light garden “room” in the center.  It was here she [...]

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December 5, 2009

“Wind in our Sails”

Galleon Ship

“Climb the rigging to the curtain rail” “Secure the jib to the TV” “Yarr, there is a squall coming”… …and the squall has really been catching the mainsail in our living room. That’s right, our front room now resembles the “sailing” Monti Python building in The Meaning of Life, although I wish I could say, [...]

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December 8, 2009

“Down the Rabbit Hole”

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Quite literally! Rabbit holes have a very different meaning to me than the average person, why?  Well first of all, as a kid, I spent a lot of time around them, inside them, or digging through them. I would invariably find myself at dusk, high up on an exposed Scottish fell with an arm extended [...]

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December 14, 2009

“Twelve ESP Days of Christmas”

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On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me, Twelve mother of millions, Eleven pipers piping, Ten blooms are blooming, Nine ladies dancing, (what?…I had nothing!) Eight stink horns stinking, (okay still struggling)! Seven swans a-swimming, The Botox Lady’s spraying, FIVVEEE  “precious”  rings… Four inflatable turds! Three Naboo Men, Two anoles in love, [...]

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December 20, 2009

“Has he Been”?

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This anole is currently living in our Christmas tree!  I tried to get it outside but it just came right back in through one of our many gaps and holes in our walls. I suppose it was finding some “relative” warmth, or perhaps it is just getting into the Christmas spirit, hard to tell. I [...]

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December 23, 2009

“Milk, Cookies and Spells”

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It was getting late in the Patch, and some major spells were being cast on me from deep within the amaranth.  Horsetail reeds make for excellent wands it appears, though my eldest hobbit insists she got hers from Diagon alley. Expelliarmus! Some of these spells take an immense amount of concentration it appears. Now will [...]

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December 29, 2009

“2010″

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2010 started eerily in the Patch… I walked outside this morning only to find this other-worldly mist sweeping in, and it was dense.  The other thing odd about this morning was that it was very quite, unusually quite in fact.  I clambered further into my timer bamboo for a better look at this strange phenomena. [...]

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January 3, 2010

“Winter’s Beauty”

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Echeveria pup,  sea salted with morning frost…Good enough to eat. My entry for this months “Winter’s Beauty” garden photography competition http://www.gardeninggonewild.com Here is another shot of the same plant taken on a warmer day (not my entry)…

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January 6, 2010

“Carnival”

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Brrrr, another freezing front blows through Central Texas, but what do I care,  I hear the carnival setting up camp in the Patch… Okay we might not have all the lights, rides, and well practically anything else you would normally find or associate with a carnival, but we do have this… “Looking good now ESP, [...]

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January 11, 2010

“Frost Bitten, Twice Shy”

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Oh yes we remain gripped in a Harry Potter craze in the Patch, can you tell? Only this time the craze requires copious amounts of Ibuprofen upon completion of a reenactment. The latest, and repetitive request in the ESP is to be repeatedly “flown” around the decomposed granite pathways whilst “the flyer” is playing a [...]

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January 20, 2010

“Put the Petal to the Metal”

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Warmer weather returns to the East Side Patch, and it is time for a sotol to be pruned up. Where are the bandages?

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January 23, 2010

“Jagged Little Pill-Bug”

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“Don’t say I didn’t warn you”… Closed We often see them as we dig the ground… they are the charmers of children, these animated little martian probes.  Follow me on my nerdy journey (snorts) to find out a little more about these “Bakugans” of the insect realm. The pill bug is the only crustacean ( [...]

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January 31, 2010

“Journey to the Center of the Patch”

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“Is there anything left alive in there”?  “Look how brown everything is”. “Is that a frozen Naboo tribal member stuck on the Botox lady’s lip”? “This is serious”. Central Texas is back once again in the grip of yet another cold spell, I knew we were not going to get away with just one killer [...]

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February 5, 2010

“Bottom of ze Barrel”

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“foul is fair and fair is foul.” I caught the ESP witches milling around this frost bitten shrub this evening on top of one of my mounds, (and YES, those are my citrus trees in the background!)  Something had prematurely brought this foul trio down from out of my post oak.  My heart immediately sank [...]

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February 9, 2010

“Winter Wormwood”

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Gardening Gone Wild… “Picture This” Photo Contest entry: February 2010:  “Winter Light” Frosted-over Artemisia ‘Powis Castle’ mound, getting hit with early morning sun beams. The plant recovered completely from this nipping a day or so later.

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February 12, 2010

“Hell Raiser, Star Chaser”

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Hardscaping my hell-strip has led me to completely revisit the whole of my front garden design, forming it into a more naturalistic and visually organic scheme.

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February 19, 2010

“Planes, Trains and North Sea Ferries”

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You do not want to be with me on any type of public transportation…trust me, I am a traveling companion’s liability. “Six coaches of the 1400 Glasgow to London express passenger train carrying about 300 passengers became derailed as the train approached Harrow and Wealdstone station. The train came to rest with the locomotive and [...]

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February 22, 2010

“Captain’s Log… Supplemental”

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It is amazing what creativity even the smallest amount of snow creates. Check out this sub-space snow anomaly that showed up in the Patch snow.

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February 28, 2010

“I Tripped over a Leaffooter”

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An examination of the massive Leaffooter bug, and a look at what plants are re-emerging in the Patch after the winter, plants like the bauhinia corymbosa vine.

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March 5, 2010

“Feather Hugger”

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This young feather hugger is totally into the feather grass, it jumps from clump to clump hugging and hiding under it. This cat, according to it’s collar, is called “Nina Coconut,” and it seems like it has adopted the Patch as it’s playground, at least for the time being. It can also scale my Douglas [...]

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March 12, 2010

“Toad in the Hole”

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With the painting in the Patch almost finished, it was time I created some more work for myself, today the Eye of Sauron cast a cold gaze on this garden scene… The scale of this Mexican weeping bamboo and the stock-tanked golden bamboo where the Tahoe hit has disturbed me for quite some time.  The [...]

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March 13, 2010

“Gardening Gone Wild Photo Contest”:

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Here is my entry for this months Gardening Gone Wild photography competition : “Awakening”. A tiny Mexican feather grass, battling the germination odds to emerge from this tiny Zen pocket in a Texas holey rock. What are the odds?

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March 18, 2010

“Life and Death”

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With the rains have come a bumper bloom and a pronounced artificial grape aroma all around my back porch… …this week is the week of the Mountain Laurel in Central Texas. Sophora secundiflora I keep this one pruned up as high as I can, I think they look better when the trunk is partially exposed. [...]

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March 26, 2010

“Jurassic Patch”

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Venture underground in the East Side Patch to witness Naboo temples, giant anoles and ancient plants.
See what spring is emerging and awakening in the Patch.

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April 1, 2010

“Bread Rock”

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Gross happenings in the East Side Patch…Rotten Taro tickles gag valves, hanging roach, and metallic flies grace this nasty post. Spring also delivers a host of new life and emergence this week in the Patch. Drop in and have a bucket at the ready!

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April 3, 2010

“Garden Bloggers’ Design Workshop” – Garden Benches

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See an improvised garden bench get built in the Patch. No planning, very few tools and not a straight line in sight, oh yes, the Waltons would have been proud.
Drop in to also visit a mock orange in full bloom.

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April 3, 2010

“Picture This Photo Contest”

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“Picture This Photo Contest” Entry.
The theme for this months contest is “Green World”.

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April 7, 2010

“Poppy Patch”

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Poppy along into the Patch this week for some charismatic feather grass, some stinky “martian-mallows” that will make your hair curl and some dating anoles residing in the bird box. Salvia and ragwort dominate the color wheel, while we witness a rather odd insect increasing it’s population. William Wallace and the Naboo make cameo appearances.

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April 16, 2010

“Lady-bug-Gaga”

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Insects are coming out of the word-work this week, quite literally. See termites flooding out of my house where the Tahoe hit, there is also Lady Gaga dressed up as a ladybug, and a ladybug dressed up as Lady Gaga. There is the finest garden sushi, escargot and blushing strawberries, all on special on the East Side Patch menu this week. Drop in for a bite and see a snail harvest in motion.

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April 19, 2010

“Men in Blackfoot daisies”

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An alien vessel was sighted high up in the sky this week in the Patch. A few hours later, the Men in Blackfoot daisies showed up on my doorstep asking some rather unusual questions. We all devoured sour strawberries and I showed them the pictures that I had taken.
Mexican feather grasses and gaura combination steals the show this week in the garden.

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April 27, 2010

“One Too Many Beers”

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Check out the first early spring insects that have arrived in the Patch, there are whites, water snails, soldier flies, hair-streaks and a host of others to look into. William Wallace has a panic-attack at the sight of an emerging dwarf bottle-brush bloom, and I catch a strange looking lobster with the advice of the crew of the Cornelius Marie. Witness the advances of a Hoja santa plant into my neighbors yard and the destruction of my Mexican lime tree…a sad day for the Naboo tribe.

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May 2, 2010

“Chicken and Hell-Strips”

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A strange chicken visits the Patch and a hosepipe creates mayhem for one little person. This week the Hell-strip gets a top layer of decomposed granite and some plants go in. A laugher caterpillar makes a hairy appearance and the Patch oleanders are in full-bloom. Join us once again in the ESP, but avoid the soup at all costs, no matter how much the cook insists you try it.

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May 8, 2010

“Knotty Dreads”

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The Patch feather grasses get their hair pulled this week to remove some of their knotty dreads. I discovered by accident a new technique as to how to remove their panicles whilst still maintaining a natural, non-snipped look. The hair from the grasses formed seed-bales in my trash can. Check out a butterfly that was feeding on me, and a couple of newly created small beds around the Patch bench.
On a darker note…I think the Cactus Man may have returned from the dead…muh ha ha ha!

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May 10, 2010

“Emergance”

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Come into the Patch this week and bring your hurling bucket as we witness something usually reserved for science fiction movies. Milk thistle history is on the topic list and a colorful orchard spider casts it’s web over one of my stock tanks. Threadleaf ragwort goes to seed and the tomatoes ripen. Join us for another nerdy week in the ESP.

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May 18, 2010

“While the Neighbor’s Away…The Patch will Play”

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Some guerrilla gardening goes down in the Patch this week as the neighbors Hell-Strip is tackled while the house is vacant. Find out what a female Boll’s sand roach drags behind her (Brrrr) and what she eats! Join us this week as a Snowberry Clearwing is spotted floating around the verbena, and see a small trash carrying bug with a roving eye. Avoid the gopher sap, and do not encourage the gossipy beetles on your way in.

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May 29, 2010

“I do like to be beside the Seaside…”

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Some serious shelling of bluebonnet seeds took place this week in the Patch, I get attacked by mosquitoes while daydreaming about the beach. Everything has been heating up this week in Texas…tomatoes are ripening with temperatures soaring, iced turbans are now officially being adorned. Have a look at sacred detura, you will be amazed what this plant is used for and the effect it can have on a group of soldiers. Join me for another psychedelic trip in the East Side Patch.

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June 3, 2010

“Carry on up the Nile”

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A bizarre new creature is found scoffing away on my tomato plants! This week we venture deep into the heart of Egypt to visit sphinx’s in the garden. Follow the discovery of giant worms, giant piles of…., and ancient curses. There is a dangerous anole rescue and the finest gold to be discovered in this episode of the ESP.

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June 6, 2010

Photography Competition:

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Anoles in love.

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June 8, 2010

Snips & Snails & Swallowtails

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Pop into the Patch this week for some cosmic coneflowers, a demonic Pipevine Swallowtail larvae, and some Gothic evergreen wisteria that has popped into bloom this week above the Alice in Wonderland bench. Also witness worms in an eggplant, an army of aphids trying to scale the fence to my tomatoes, and a crazy tomatillo plant. Also a silver-spotted skipper makes William Wallace question his war-paint colors on the battlefield! See you in the East-Side.

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June 14, 2010

“Animal House”

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All manner of animals and creatures are captured in the Patch this week. Giant swallowtail butterflies and their bird dropping lavae are witnessed on my citrus trees, and an Io moth caterpillar is discovered under my English Ivy. Drop into the ESP this week to see a host of insects, lizards, butterflies, eggs and larvae. Witness a watermelon devourer going to town and have a goodnight, Walton style.

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June 21, 2010

“Shaken not Stirred”

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Who said that the Patch does not have flowers! Well at least a few of them. This week my neurotic Vitex tree creates a few logistical entryway problems, and a neurotic albino squirrel makes me totally paranoid. This week we explore foliage and flowers that can handle the Texas summer heat, we also get a rare, impromptu visitation from 007 and Goldmember of all people.

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June 26, 2010

“Tales of the Unexpected”

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I thought I would share a recent design scheme that I worked up for a client. The design proposal addressed three distinct areas of the existing garden: Front of house…what was once a static lawn becomes a softened low maintenance bed of movement, courtesy of a perimeter planting of bamboo muhly grass and the introduction [...]

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June 28, 2010

“Deep Breath”

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Take a dive into the blue hole, and climb back out again…amazing!

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July 2, 2010

“Moi Grande Rain Dance”

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The heavens opened up for some rare summer prolonged rains this week in the Patch. We went punting down the decomposed granite canals where we witnessed a host of creatures and blooms, the star of the show being the enormous Moi Grande hibiscus bloom. Join us this week for some ethereal spores, some new insects, even a new anole is found this week in the East Side Patch. Don’t forget your raincoat.

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July 9, 2010

“Garden Coffins”

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This week in the ESPatch we take a short trip to a local strip-mall to witness a depressing planter that has an identity crises. We will look a dragonfly straight in its 30,000 eyes and witness some big game hunters in action. I have an idea of how to put my dead bamboo to good use whilst trying to avoid the lazy gazing eye of Cactus Man (Junior).

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July 17, 2010

“Withering Sights”

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Join me this week and witness a cannibalistic dragonfly that ultimately causes the death of an innocent grasshopper at the nimble fingers of Bear Grylls. This week we witness a green lynx spider that threatens the viability of William Wallace’s hairy legs, we see a papyrus in bloom and get better acquainted with an old southern edible…pokeweed, a plant that has mysteriously turned up in the Patch.

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July 24, 2010

“Nose Boulder”

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A crazy nasal boulder / restaurant experience will have you retching into a bucket, if this doesn’t immediately tickle your gag valve, then the three lined lema beetle surly will, piling it’s excrement up onto it’s back! This week witness a host of new visitors to the Patch, including: the Canna Leaf Roller, a Squash Vine Borer, and a long horned beetle. We also witness a dragonfly that has had a lobotomy, and a squash vine borer. This week a rare Naboo tribal member was captured on film by the Germinatrix!…A historical event, not to be missed.

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August 1, 2010

“On The Chain Gang”

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A visit to the East Side Patch this week will reveal a small tee shirt that appears to turn up in different time periods throughout Earth’s history. This week we witness a mammoth delivery of decomposed granite for a design that I am currently implementing, as well as some equally enormous amaranth and pride of Barbados plants. Moonflowers and a Nessus Sphinx Moth headline this latest escapade in the Patch, we also get to see how an anole and a dragonfly deal with their differences.

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August 8, 2010

“It Ain’t Half Hot Mum!…ESP On Tour”

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Join me this week and find out a little more about the trials and tribulations of tying and wearing iced turbans in the heat of the Texas summer. See a front garden make over and get to hear me once again droning on and on about pride of Barbados plants. Meet a small intellectual conducting research under a poke weed plant and witness a particularly spiny caterpillar.

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August 14, 2010

“Haircuts and Sphingids”

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Join me this week in the East Side Patch as we take on some unusual nocturnal activities and see some amazing nocturnal creatures getting drunk. We witness some ornamental grasses getting crew-cuts and a spiny lizard that is a little tied up. A cicada shell scares me to death and I find out that lacewing eggs do not do well in an traditional English breakfast.

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August 10, 2010

“Expeliamus”!

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A photography entry.

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August 21, 2010

“Wilson”

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Jungle fever is in the air, loin cloths are adorned and a new south Austin design scheme for a tropical backyard habitat is visualized this week in the Patch. We witness a deep Naboo mineshaft under construction next to a rotting elephant ear. Purple fountain grasses and a birthday “Drake” take center stage this week in the East Side Patch. Bring your mosquito spray if you want to make it out alive, and in one piece this week.

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August 27, 2010

“Spitting Seeds”

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This week we get the luxury of witnessing a vomiting datura seedpod, cactus man Junior develops an irritating eye infection, and a land planarian tries to get under my skin. I clean up my side strip and come face to face with a grumpy old toad this week in the East Side Patch, and I do not mean the Botox Lady.

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September 3, 2010

“Squeezing Lanterns”

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This week I roam around nurseries looking quite mad hunting down a vine. An unmentionable dies and is devoured by some rather nasty chaps down our street, and I squeeze my lanterns! Join me for this weeks unmissable episode on the wild side of the East side.

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September 4, 2010

“Autumn Harvest”

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Photo-entry: Amaranth, a grain to be reckoned with.

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September 9, 2010

“Raining Beetles”

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Get out your flippers for a wet and wild jaunt around the Patch this week, courtesy of a huge amount of rain from hurricane Hermine. This week witness a plague of Figeater beetles and another datura about to dispel the contents of it’s stomach (not to be missed). I get physically outmaneuvered by a five year old then find a window is missing in my truck. It is all happening this week in the East Side Patch.

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September 16, 2010

“TIMBER!”

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This week In the Patch I hack through the back jungle wielding a large machete – making a desperate attempt to cut down all my dead Giant Timber bamboo culms…which I put to good use. Come inside and see some disgusting stock tank worms, (you know you want to), and witness a very large grasshopper wearing spurs. Join me for another ridiculous episode in the ESP.

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September 25, 2010

“Painful Extractions”

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Join me this week as a few “roots” (ahem) are painfully extracted, including a mature pampas grass intent on flogging my arms and legs. My truck camper is removed and is immediately replaced with some granite and some cedar carcasses. My pathways get a face lift, and I get the lens right in the face of a large grasshopper, this week in the ESPatch.

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October 1, 2010

“Event Horizon”

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This week is quite ESPatch mad…getting ready for the Conservancy Tour…getting hit by a wasp, and finishing up at the Mediterranean festival. This week witness forest trees that through technological manipulation build boats over the coarse of two hundred years (with no human interaction), and see some potential future genetically altered plants grow “parts” that can be assembled into products…oh yes, it is all conceptually coming together this week.
Oh, and you have to take time to watch the first installment of a five part “Patch mini-series” narrated by Orson Wells : “Rime of the Ancient Mariner”.

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October 2, 2010

“Supernova”

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Photography Competition October 2010: Scanner Imaging

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October 8, 2010

“Maverick”

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This week the realization that the conservancy tour is but a week away sets in. A fighter pilot tries to disrupt my clean up, sending a shield bug lurking in my yellow bells into therapy. Moon flowers offer some cosmic appeal before we dive into the world of ornamental grasses. My asters threaten to be total asters and the ESP witches make their first disgusting appearance before Halloween. Join me this week for some very disturbing adventures in the ESP.

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October 15, 2010

“The Eve”

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Tis’ the Eve before the Garden Conservancy Austin Tour and lets just say I do not want to pick up any more dead leaves…ever. A crazy preparation week in the Patch this week, even the Botox Lady has gone all out with a new hairdo. The asters are being asters and in all the excitement a grasshopper loses his leg. Join me this week in the East Side Patch and come face to face with a few unsavory chaps intent on mowing my satsuma tree to the ground.

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October 23, 2010

“All Quiet on the Eastern Front”

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The Garden Conservancy Tour and a photo shoot came to the Patch this week! We celebrated with some barbecue and purchased a couple of Zhu Zhu pets for our little helpers that are now slowly driving me into a straight jacket, (I will keep this nebulous). Get to watch the latest depressing installment of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner in this weeks absurd episode in the East Side Patch.

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October 31, 2010

Pumpkin “Patch”

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Be careful you don’t jump out of your skin on this latest installment…it is Halloween once again in the ESPatch after all. The witches are pressing their moles and striking all manner of ridiculous poses in practice for their big night of the year. This week witness a crazy nurse doing some unmentionable things on the operating table and see a rickety Frank Lloyd Write fairy house constructed.
Also (the crowd goes wild) the moment you have been waiting for, do not miss the final installment of the Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

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November 5, 2010

“I Decapitated a Gopher”

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Insects are a plenty in this weeks journey into the undergrowth, celosia and fragrant mist flowers take center stage as major attractors. Pop into the Patch this week to see skippers, hover flies, and an irritating old clever-clog spinster. I encounter an irritating rash from a gopher, and the fairy house gets some housewares. Join the cast in this weeks ridiculous performance inside the ESPatch.

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November 13, 2010

“Hannibal Nector”

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This week the ESP Ground Force Team transforms a front and back garden and in the process witness some very odd things inhabiting the ground under a large tree stump. Faces are painted, crystals gazed into in this, the latest installment from the ESPatch.

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November 22, 2010

“Starsky and Husk”

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Join me this week and see how the ESP Witches are using illuminated Gulf coast toads as Christmas decorations. This latest venture into the Patch comes complete with a massive chrysalis and some rotting ears (not to be missed). Guest appearance this week: Goldmember.

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November 30, 2010

“Voodoo”

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Voodoo spiders, voodoo remedies, voodoo superstitions are all abound this week in the ESP. A small spider almost breaks my camera and we all go down into the subterranean world under N I35. Some gold prospecting and a robotic lawnmower conclude this latest bizarre journey inside the East Side Patch.

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December 9, 2010

“The Golden Ticket”

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The Christmas tree goes up this week and time travel is adopted to eat advent calender chocolates ahead of schedule. A ring wraith drops into the Patch for a cup of tea, not to mention Queen Elizabeth, William Wallace, Gandalf and many more. Have your buckets at the ready, it is time for another journey to the center of the Patch.

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December 17, 2010

“Android Assassins”

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A lethal stew creates some startling reactions this week in the Patch. We witness a Pompii anole, and an assassin is found lying dead on my back steps, perhaps stabbed accidentally by his own beak? For further explanation you will have to mentally prepare yourself for another journey inside the East Side Patch.

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December 22, 2010

“I Caught a Live One!”

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Aliens intercept NASA Voyager’s Golden Records and decide to pay us a very unwelcome visit. Ornamental grasses take center stage along with a live assassin this week in the East Side Patch. Join Forrest Gump, a District 9 alien, and Gru as they try to entertain you this week in another edition of the ESPatch.

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December 28, 2010

“Ho Ho Hoja Santa”

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Blade Runner Christmas Replicants create havoc during nighttime hours in the Patch this Christmas week. Presents are eagerly opened with frantic small hands, some dusty millers are festively frosted, and a selkie is observed lounging on one of my moss boulders after my purple hearts turn to seaweed. Brick circles offer some formality in a client’s garden and some disgusting hanging handkerchiefs are catching some winter breezes in this weeks episode of the East Side Patch. Did I mention you can learn how to construct an origami unicorn? That is, if you have a few days to burn and fold.

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January 6, 2011

“Two and Two are Four”

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The 2011 leaf ESP clean up is well under way and it immediately uncovers some treasures. The cattails create some artificial snow as they break open but the snowboarding is nothing to write home about along my flat decomposed granite pathways. Pop into the Patch this week for a close peek at an inch worm, and witness the pre-nuptial flight of some alates, oh yes, you know you cannot miss that! Guests appearances this week include Dr McCoy, Mr Creosote, W.Wallace, and Gollum.

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January 16, 2011

“Anchor’s Aweigh”

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Cold and very welcome winter rains have descended on central Texas this week. I revisit a coffin planter at a local restaurant and take a look around the Patch to see what plants still look great in the dead of a Texas winter. Bela Lugosi, Squidward and Billy from “The Perfect Storm” all make ridiculous appearances this week inside the ESPatch.

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January 25, 2011

“Walking on Thin Ice”

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Cold night temperatures create some strange reactions this week in the East Side Patch. See what I really feel about metal edging in a landscape and witness some comical pine cone cacti grimacing in the cold conditions. The Borg queen pops in for her quarterly visit this week in the Patch.

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January 28, 2011

“Reflections and Double Agents”

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Reflections…up is down, down is up, in this topsy-turvy post. The Minstrels strangely show up looking like purple hyacinth beans, and a double agent gets sapped on the head.

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February 4, 2011

“Bedding Down”

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A hot water bottle hits the spot as temperatures dip severely in Central Texas this week. Witness a metal edging exorcism on an install I am currently working on, and get to see a bit of the install and design process behind the scenes. Plants and humans have taken a cold beating and some necessary haircuts, this week inside the East Side Patch.

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February 4, 2011

“Ice Ice Baby”

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Yes, I spent some time today…looking at ice, (adjusts nerdy glasses and snorts).

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February 6, 2011

“A Day at the Races”

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Awaken your inner nerd, and witness some strange tiny light-bulb bugs illuminating the Patch this cold week. Also view some “ruptured” agaves that required some serious and immediate, unqualified medical attention. A cross-country rally race sets the Patch inhabitants alight this week, complete with a stunning firework opening ceremony from a China berry tree. Hannibal Lecter and William Wallace reluctantly pop in briefly to this, the latest and disturbing episode of the East Side Patch.

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February 18, 2011

“Tickling Leopards”

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A leopard is tickled, a pond abomination is beached, dead agaves are whacked, and a new garden is installed. Join me this week in the Patch to see what looks good and bad after yet another harsh Texas winter.

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February 25, 2011

“Mad Birds and Englishmen”

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Spring is just around the cold corner…anoles are rubbing their tiny feet and warming up, and decollate snails are devouring their extremely annoying and destructive brothers. Witness our latest family curse, and also see the latest ESP design, this week in the ESPatch.

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March 8, 2011

“Up Front”

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This week in the ESPatch witness the dark and sinister habits of an agave weevil, and see a new front garden design I have been working up in East Austin. A whole host of celebrities drop in this week to contribute to the on-going plot.

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March 15, 2011

“The Evil Weevil”

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This week get up close to the Evil Weevil and see what monstrosities my hook saw can administer. Also gain insight into my on-site slaughtering, postmortem and amputation techniques, 127 Hours has nothing on this. Hear my distressed Hawaiian cry, and get to see some Jesus bugs as they walk on water and turn murky pond water into wine, in this, the latest post from the ESPatch.

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March 20, 2011

“Swaying in the Treetops”

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A childhood tale, high in the canopy of trees makes an Ent drop in for an impromptu cup of tea this week in the Patch. A new moth is discovered (the crowd goes wild) and the emergence of spring documented. Drop in for the latest episode of the ESP.

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March 28, 2011

“Another Grass Bites the Dust”

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Spring is in the air, a stock tank burps in the air (and throws up a little dillo dirt on my shoulder)…you would not want to miss that!
This week in the Patch has a lot of re-organization is going on. Lots of star guests drop in including Freddie Kruger, who we have not seen for quite some time. A new bog pond goes in, and another evil Vader goes out, it is all happening this week down in the East Side Patch.

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April 3, 2011

“Plants vs Zombies”

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Lots of animals and bugs start to emerge this week, things are waking up and the weather is heating up. I decide to remove some giant timbers and a Mexican lime tree before the mosquito onslaught begins. The biggest surprise this week was when I found a remake of the 1922 film Noir movie: “Nosferatu” was being shot down in my garden shed of all places.

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April 14, 2011

“The Good Life”

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The Witches have been at it again, busily harvesting Gulf Coast toads this week in their rancid hessian sacks. Join me as a tooth falls out, and a snake almost causes another Darwin Award. My trashcan delivers a rather odd and unexpected encounter this week inside the East Side Patch.

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April 20, 2011

“The Rock”

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This week we encounter heat that verges on summer temperatures, a large tarantula that causes my biggest conniption yet on a work site, and a revamp to the now infamous sarcophagus restaurant planter. Teeth are falling out at about the same rate as my fennel plants are being devoured by swallowtail caterpillars. Join me this week in the Patch and read some more.

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May 1, 2011

“Daddy Long Legs”

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This week learn how a daddy long legs sucks each of his legs after a gourmet meal (brrr). The cactus man grows more worried and deranged with every passing day and I grow some fine looking carrots that tasted horrible – sending them from the ground straight into the compost pile. Patriotic Patch trumpets signaled this weeks big event.

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May 7, 2011

“Escargot Monsieur?”

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This week witness the electroluminescent tarantula wasp and see how it brings down a tarantula…if you dare. This years first dragons are sighted and a crazy escargot experiment is well under way in a jar with some of my inedible carrots. See my latest design and install executed on top of Mount Bonnell, this week in the East Side Patch.

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May 5, 2011

“Spores”

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GGW Photo_Competition entry: May, 2011.

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May 16, 2011

“The Emperor’s New Tools”

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This week I highlight a Mexican weeping bamboo with some fresh brickwork and receive some brand new tools in the post. (I get busted smelling them). Lots of bugs and blooms are developing and emerging with our recent rain. Get to see the worlds tiniest hollyhock, this week in the ESPatch.

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May 20, 2011

“Close Encounter”

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Fantasy cone flowers and flying saucers form another rather normal week here in the East Side Patch. A small man in black appears in front of a cactus but strangely I have no recollection what we talked about?

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May 27, 2011

“Rikki Ikky Ivy”

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Things are heating up and feeling very much like summer this week in the Patch. Dragons are appearing, lacewing eggs are lining the roof and the end of the world came and went as fast as some cold-tender succulents. Drop in this week and witness first-hand how ancient dragonflies (with 75cm wingspans) just may have sounded on the wing.

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June 6, 2011

“Bark at the Moonflower”

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This week we get a new and rather flatulent House Elf that loves to roll in feather grasses and eat papyrus. Witness an odd mandrake-looking root that sends Ron Weasley looking immediately for ear protection and a Swamp Milkweed Leaf Beetle, a first in the Patch. This week we get to see the latest accessory and sprinkler craze…something they apparently call in wetter climates, an “Umbrella”?

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June 11, 2011

“Oh Yucca!”

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The dark Nazgul (3 of them) take yet another plant to an earthen-grave this week in the Patch. Strange tortilla masks are adorned then consumed and Kumo directs some airline traffic with his ears this week in the Patch. See my latest central Austin suburban installation and get acquainted with the rather mysterious dragon tree.

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June 27, 2011

“Across the Gulf”

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Join us outside the Patch for a cooling escape out of the garden into the soothing breezes of the Texas beach environment. Yes the “Levwolds” have been on a coastal vacation. Drop in this week and witness a few bizarre creatures, intimidating birds and general holiday shenanigans.

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July 9, 2011

“Not so fun in the Sun”

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Back from vacation and I am right back into the line of fire…the Texas sun. This week in the East Side Patch witness some giant spears and a rather flatulent stock tank.

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July 19, 2011

“A Star is Born”

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This week in the ESPatch you will get to see some large flowers, a few disturbing insects (naturally), and Jeff Goldblum enjoying a refreshing ice cream. Witness how not to build a nest and see our dog Kumo impersonating Tommy Cooper.

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July 30, 2011

“Eviction”

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Join me this week in the Patch to witness the eviction of the redneck fairies that moved into my daughters fairy house when it fell into disrepair. Also see the latest ESP design install just completed in consistent triple digits.

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August 14, 2011

“All that Glitters is not Gold”

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This week starts off with a rather unusual and somewhat disturbing glitter party, one you most certainly wish you are never invited to. Get the latest crusty update on plants that continue to sizzle and fry, and see what is hot and what is not in this, the latest episode in the East Side Patch.

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August 25, 2011

“Grilled”

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A deep summer audit of the psychological madness that the unrelenting heat conjures up in the psyche of all who try to exist normally in the super-heated cauldron that is…Austin Texas.

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September 2, 2011

“Detector”

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This week a stock tank springs a leak, and some more neighbors kick the bucket tending their compost bin. Get to learn a little about Diatomaceous earth before embarking on a Patch treasure hunt…you will be amazed at what we found with our new metal detector.

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September 10, 2011

“Flying Walnuts”

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This week get up close to a Walnut Sphinx! Zorro drops in and tries to catch some messy squirrels and learn how baby Red-shouldered Hawks are potty-trained at a very early age. Oh yes, It is all happening this week in the ESPatch.

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September 22, 2011

“The Haunted Garden”

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More horror and general moaning this week in the Patch. Catch up with some shocking physical developments from the B/Lady and see some opuntia stressing out. Get up close to some ghost ants and see what they have been eating…riveting events not to be missed.

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October 2, 2011

“Counting Sheep”

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A giant timber bamboo is extracted this week, snapping my shovel and some intrinsic muscles in my back. Drop into the ESPatch and see a host of very strange and somewhat disturbing creatures including a house centipede and a rare Kuminus Fangstratus.

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October 9, 2011

“Picture This Photo Contest” Oct 2011

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GGW Competition Entry

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October 12, 2011

“French Fork”

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Read all about it…Read all about it…Texas gets a rainfall, and some really shocking news…the sarcophagus planter restaurant has closed! Drop in this week and see how I control my daughter with the threat of growing flamboyant facial hair…and witness a few new plants that are new to me.

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October 25, 2011

“It’s Electrifying!”

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This week the Patch gets some nighttime illumination…very exciting times. My new barbeque pit gets ruined by a sugar drooling pecan tree and Kumo smokes a stink horn…events not to be missed. Floating pond-brains and an architecturally inclined insect round off this trip inside the ESPatch.

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November 6, 2011

“Little Monsters”

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Spiders, feet and many more unmentionables are discovered inside a carpet of Asian Jasmine this week in the Patch. Get up-close to a few arachnids and witness what happens when William Wallace is not allowed any more cotton candy.

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November 14, 2011

“The Wheels of Change”

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This week in the ESPatch witness a weary, battle-scarred opuntia tree, some hovering sryphid flies and an eight month old burping stock tank that has apparently reached maturity. See how I happened to curse myself with a blog-post title before venturing into my latest design and garden install.

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November 19, 2011

“Poking around the Pokeweed”

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GGW Photography Entry : Poking around the Pokeweed

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November 20, 2011

“Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart”

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Join me this week and find out about a natural cure for your flatulence. Kumo eats the head off a mallard and gets into trouble, and I get down and nerdy about some old moss boulders on my latest install. Events not to be missed in the latest episode in the ESPatch.

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November 27, 2011

“The Incredible Bulk”

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This week in the ESPatch observe first-hand a disturbing and delicate brain experiment, and witness how my satsumas have now swollen to the size of grapefruit…(cough). Also this week see just how redneck the patch turns shortly before the city bulk pick-up and get a first glimpse of the disturbing “Patch-Professors”.

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December 18, 2011

“Tiddalik”

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The build-up to Christmas is now in full swing. Drop into the Patch this week and see how we are all coping physiologically with the wait for Santa. Also this week see how frost bitten hoja santa resembles the Nazgû and witness some rather thick gravy from my pond filter…events not to be missed.

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December 31, 2011

“Yule-Tidy all that up…Right?”

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Join us for a snapshot of Christmas_2011 inside the East Side Patch.

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