“The Appendage”

by ESP on January 23, 2015



I noticed it from afar, “wait, is that a ?”

“Why is it protruding out the side like that?”

“Thats not normal.”

I subconsciously tried to shield my kids from this sago’s rather confrontational appendage, bundling them quickly through the front door of Dave & Busters.



The reflecting window made the scene even more obscene. Upon leaving the establishment I made sure to comically obscure part of the strobilus with a white napkin.

Forrest-gump-originalThat’s all I have to say about that.


Cold temperatures and even colder rain have taken care of the usual frost-prone victims,


I knew purple heart was about to go. I used to cut all the mush back but found the faster way is to just snap it and pull from the base, slopping the frost-bitten blood and guts into Home Depot buckets for composting.

carrie (1)

A messy job, but much faster.


Canna lily wasn’t far behind, along with



some now ominous Hoja Santa Ring-wraiths.

In the darkness there was some light,


a solitary cone flower refuses to give in to winter,


and if there was sunlight, rest assured he was basking in it.


Fatsia Japonica catching some sun.


One of the best firework displays I have ever seen them produce.



Ghost plant,

Graptopetalum paraguayense


taking shelter from the cold winds under a ‘Hardy Red’ Oleander. Although they look and feel delicate, these ghosts can handle very cold weather, drought and a significant amount of shade apparently.


Stay Tuned For:

“Going Nuts”



All material © 2015 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.


“Whats in Your Stocking?”

by ESP on January 2, 2015


We had once again survived Christmas.


A set of styrene guns kept him busy,


she got the doll she had coveted for the last 6 months,


and we got a bunch more stuffed characters for Kumo to terrorize and pull the eyes off well into next year.


We hunkered down with blankets on the couch, drank Bailey’s Irish Cream and watched all of the Harry Potter movies…once again, one a night for eight nights.


We indulged in fine Christmas fare straight out of the garden,


and exercised regularly in the recycling bin.


Even the Largus bugs were in a festive spirit, staggering around on the dance floor, spilling their champagne and telling bad jokes.

DSC07369 copy

I am about as tough on watches as I am with work boots,


so I was very happy to open this on Christmas morning.

My previous Swiss Army watch had an extremely rare and distressing appointment down the u-bend of our toilet last fall, one of those “I couldn’t repeat that again if I tried” accidents. It was not a fitting end for a timepiece that had survived huge pieces of flagstone rolling and scraping across it, with never a hint of a scratch.

Moving along:


I did say I watched ALL the Harry Potter movies.


Purple heart is still hanging in there, it will be a big heaping pile of festering sludge in no time at all,

but for now:


Purple heart to wild purple mold,


just because I can.


I always crave a full English breakfast after looking at the flowers on Fatsia Japonica,

straight out of a fantasy book.


Loquats are also flowering prolifically at the moment,


along with some shrimps,


and the copper canyon daisies.


DSC08203  DSC08205

Habaneros and satsuma also providing some winter color. Only three satsumas on the tree this year and they were huge, larger than oranges. They were ripe and it was time for the annual tasting ceremony.



what do you think?


“Tastes like orangery-water and peel, want some?”

“Nope, I get it.”

She proceeded to devour it all.


Thanks to all who have read, commented or just lurked in the east side shadows this past year.

Stay Tuned For:

“The Appendage”


All material © 2015 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.


“Barf or Peach?”

by ESP December 9, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Barf or Peach?”

This week suffer leaf-drop, bad puns and equally bad Photoshop. I get up close to a particularly large Tachinid Fly.

7 comments Read the full article →

“Shelling Out”

by ESP November 16, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Shelling Out”

Cold weather, large fires and child-labor feature in this weeks random dialogue.

8 comments Read the full article →

“Under the Knife”

by ESP October 23, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Under the Knife”

This week I try my hand at some cosmetic surgery…as you do.
The infamous villain “Mr Snout-Nose” is up to his old shenanigans and I contemplate how ear-protection would look set against an iced turban?…Random events you could go the rest of your life without knowing about.

7 comments Read the full article →

“Beans, Boots & Mullein”

by ESP September 28, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Beans, Boots & Mullein”

This week it is about exhaling work boots, birds nest fungi and a bunch of other nonsense that you should now be accustomed to.

6 comments Read the full article →

“Wail of a Weekend”

by ESP September 13, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Wail of a Weekend”

This week we hop north with the Silver Thistle Pipe Band to compete in the Capital District Scottish Games in Albany. See what rum does to an opuntia and witness some mites sucking the life out of rosemary.

8 comments Read the full article →

“Pain In The Neck”

by ESP August 17, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Pain In The Neck”

This week I get up-close to some damselfly parts.
A peek under one of my stock tanks causes me to break into yet another non-adjudicated Highland Fling.

7 comments Read the full article →

“Oh Drupes!”

by ESP July 29, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Oh Drupes!”

Snakes, drupes, you name it, I will be running at you with any dead critters I happen to come across in the Patch.

5 comments Read the full article →

“A Change of Scenery”

by ESP July 10, 2014
Thumbnail image for “A Change of Scenery”

This week we pack up the car and venture to Gulf Shores, Alabama and New Orleans. I make a heron friend and we check-in to a hotel that is not a Best Western!

6 comments Read the full article →

“The Normandy Phase”

by ESP June 20, 2014
Thumbnail image for “The Normandy Phase”

This week get to witness what the ‘Normandy phase’ of an installation looks like on a front garden in South Austin. I take a quick trip down memory lane and highlight a couple of plants that have waged war on me.

5 comments Read the full article →

“Oh Frass!”

by ESP May 26, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Oh Frass!”

This week I discover a new word and use it way too much. Best put your food down to read this latest splattering from the Patch.

8 comments Read the full article →

“Uncle Wiggily wants his Ovaltine”

by ESP May 18, 2014
Thumbnail image for “Uncle Wiggily wants his Ovaltine”

Munching and hoarding insects, wizard wands and buried treasure this week in the ESPatch.

8 comments Read the full article →