About The ESPatch Witches

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Meet Patricia, she specializes in citrus spells, and charms. she has cultivated this sinister “look of surprise” over many many years. This crone takes great delight in pressing the mole on her chin like a button, then striking this pose.

The East Side Patch witches are a rather nasty trio of warts and foul breath. They have a three-tiered hut with a crooked chimney in the upper reaches of the wizened boughs of my Post Oak tree and they rarely leave it. What do they do in there?


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I do see them more in the spring, gathering up Gulf Coast toads in their nasty hessian sacks at dusk, no doubt to be used later in some predictably large bubbling cauldron.

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You can sometimes hear them cackling as they hatch unmentionable spells into the cold night air. The three witches, are most active around the full moon and the four solstices, but if there is a sudden death in the patch (like the recently deceased “Cactus Man”) they will swoop out of the oak screaming like Banshees. They are the most diabolical of creatures that call the ESP their home.

It is widely rumored in the Patch that this stone frog with his “hand” placed across his heart, was once a fine and noble knight, until the ESP witches turned him to stone for plotting against their secret covenant.

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Here is Isabel, she focuses on transformational spells, crystal gazing and perfecting the ultimate nasal sneer. Isabel actually went to the same cosmetic surgeon as the “Botox Lady” to get the delicate arc of her nose, just how she wanted it.

And last but not least…

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Chrissie, she likes to sing folk ballads, while drumming an upbeat tempo on her mole, mole, mole.

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Video: Leo Bridle films, UK.