As it turned out, I couldn’t.

The tooth fairy will be fluttering into the Patch tonight, let me back up a little.

She came home, sticking her tongue behind her front tooth, forcing it forward to a particularly unnatural angle (which looked completely ridiculous). She quietly asked me how I used to pull out my loose teeth when I was a kid. I barely finished telling her when she came back from the kitchen, sat beside me, reached into her mouth with a paper towel and tugged…

Not thinking she would actually go through with my “procedure”, her actions took me by complete surprise…”pop”!

I believe I was wincing more then her, the sound of her tooth exiting her gum had me up and about, involuntary performing a silly walk around my front room.

Quickly changing the subject…

After receiving a recent dowsing of rain (just shy of four inches) in classic Texas gully-washer fashion, these Gothic toadstools emerged overnight.

Calm down Bella!

This one was particularly disgusting, but I have had a lot worse in the Patch…who could forget this:

http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2009/04/my-sweet-olive-oil/

Another fast responder to the rains are the

oxalis,

Fatsia Japonica and

my Persian ivy. 

Weeds have also responded positively to a “wee-nip” of the wet stuff…

I have been pulling out massive amounts of dandelions and a bunches of these

Erodium cicutarium

or Redstem Storks Bill (the fruit of the plant resembles a bird’s beak).

Not a bad looking weed really. The finely divided leaves and rosette growth habit are distinctive features of this winter annual weed.

I was also informed by Patricia that traditionally a leaf tea from the plant was used to induce sweating and as a diuretic. The leaves have also been put to use in the bathtub to help treat rheumatism.

Thanks for this Patricia.

Now where is my trowel?

Bluebonnets, poppies, blood-stained celosia and more weeds are battling it out in the Hellstrip

it looks like it will be a good show come the spring.

These feather grasses are in desperate need of a good grooming

and gopher plants are ready to be cut back.

The new central growth offers a good reminder of when it is time for some pruning. I generally wait until the older longer stalks start to look really bad before I attack them. Be sure to wear gloves, the sap from this plant can be quite an irritant…I found out the hard way:

http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2010/11/“i-decapitated-a-gopher”/

Moving on:

Lots of purple and pinks showing up this week in the Patch…lantana and artemesia ‘Powis Castle’.

Desert trumpet blooms do not last long on the vine with snaggletooth around.

Finally:

Back to the rock tumbling…snort

I am relieved to say that we have passed onto the final stage…polishing. Every time he lifts the lid to this cooler and rock tumbler he emits the same refrain: “Phew, that stinks!”…and it really does.

No need to call the authorities, this is the aluminum oxide polish going into the drum.

and here are the rounded stones pre-polishing.

Now to wait yet another ten days, it is a long process this rock tumbling business and it is testing my patience almost as much as “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”…I said almost.

I will leave you with this image outside a restaurant in east Austin:

Chickens going to roost.

Stay Tuned for:

“Turning the Corner”

All material © 2012 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Inspirational Image of the week:

Finally Christmas!

This pyramid candle really helped to bridge the long wait for Christmas having tiny gifts embedded into it. The prospect of retrieving some “Pharaoh’s treasure” fueled her imagination for hours…okay 4.5 minutes.

“Daddy? How long do candles take to burn?”

“Hmmph?…Zzzz”

The first eardrum shattering 7am squeals started when they both ripped open some junior golf clubs from their grandparents in Scotland.

She could not wait to try them out on the range a couple of days later.

He got a retro post-apocalyptic phaser,

that made the most annoying obnoxious sounds imaginable. (The psychologically damaging part of the holidays)

What was I thinking? Oh yes…cool design.

This made him very happy.

She got her…

La La Loopsie doll,

a not-so-Easy Bake oven,

and her long awaited rock tumbler that has been tumbling a bunch of rocks since Christmas day. It takes a month to turn sharp raw stones into polished gems.

We took a sneak peak at them five days into the coarse abrasive phase (naturally), and already the stones were significantly smoother.

Even Kumo got a prime steak chop on Christmas day!

He devoured most of it before frantically running around with a really desperate expression on his face, looking for a place to bury the remainder.  For dessert he apparently opted for a large chunk of plastic attached to a string, this gastronomic episode sadly landed him in hospital requiring an hour-long stomach operation.

Poor Kumo.

He is still in the hospital and doing a little better, we all have our fingers crossed that he will pull through and make a full recovery.

Moving Sadly On:

Rosemary is looking particularly healthy and festive after finally getting some rain,

and so are the weeds. This green clump seemed to spring up overnight.

I planted a couple more Plumosa Ferns at the base of my steel gate a few weeks back,

and they have almost doubled in size with the recent moisture.

A visually frosty and festive scene courtesy of a neighbors China-berry and my Blue Ice cypress

Cuppressus arizonica var. glabra ‘Blue Ice’

And now we are having clear crisp days,

days perfect for…

lighting large fires with my new

“Bear” knife and magnesium striker.

Fires that keep the wild ESP cats at bay.

It has been a busy two weeks off school for the halflings,

I immediately got them to work on gathering seeds from this year’s rather poor crop of celosia.

It is tedious work but the challenge of getting the emptied husks into a bucket on the floor helped relieve the monotony, or so I thought.

“I am Sooo tired of shelling celosia”?

“Me too sis, I am ready to annoy everyone with my phaser again”.

Hey you two…did I say we were on a break?!

Finally:

A new “visitor” dropped into the Patch pond cypress tree this week…

Oh stop it!…It is an owl…just an owl!

Stay Tuned for:

“Just Leaf it Alone”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Happy New Year from us all in the Patch!

River Walk : San Antonio

And have a great “Bells” to all my family and friends in the Scottish borders:

Oh come on…it could have been another episode of the  “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.”

Unfortunately this gulf coast Tiddalik that Kumo kindly decided to deposit in our saltillo hallway was not quite so lucky on the moisture front…

Bad Kumo!

I have been wondering why our postman has not been delivering our christmas cards of late!

Bad Kumo!

It has been a couple of crazy busy weeks in the Patch.  Between the highly polarized activities of moving large quantities of granite,Tejas black gravel and Christmas shopping, the strains of the festive period are beginning to show in us all.

Stockings have been hung,

the tree decorated, and now for the build-up to the big-day. This prolonged finger-drumming wait is taking its toll psychologically on the halflings:

“Is it Christmas tomorrow”?

No…

“Can we open our presents now”?

No…

“Is it Christmas tomorrow”?

No…

“Can we ope… Arrghh!

I decided it was time to pick satsumas before I completely lost my mind.

We only had two satsumas this year, they were huge and tasted thoroughly disgusting, their texture resembling potatoes more then fruit.

If my satsumas were potatoes then my pond filter cleaning was going to provide the gravy:

No wonder water was struggling to circulate through all of this, but I am not complaining, oh no, quite the opposite.

Whenever I clean this filter I harvest the finest sludge available to humanity.

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2572458265/

I spread the gravy around the base of some lucky plants and trees with a maniacal grin on my face, to rot and wash down into the soil over the winter months. This has to be the best compost - 

fish excrement, mineral deposits, a pinch of salt and pepper and numerous other unmentionables all go into the complexity of this nutrient-rich soup.

Moving on:

Shock-pink celosia is putting on a gaudy winter display, I just hope enough of them will set seed to enable a harvest for next year.

Bees flood to this plant for a welcome mid-winter meal.

In stark contrast to the colorful celosia,

my hoja santa now bare a distinct resemblance to the Nazgû after the temperatures recently ducked to freezing, stripping the plants of their foliage.

Agave parryi would surely swing the balance of power in Middle Earth.

Another plant that is still putting on a good show is:

Podranea ricasoliana

This desert trumpet vine is attempting to completely engulf my neighbors wrought iron fence. Every time it makes contact with the ground, it takes root and forms another plant. Apart from the occasional bucket of water in the middle of August, this plant breezes through our tough and unpredictable central Texas weather.

Finally…

“Don’t tread on an ant he’s done nothing to you
There might come a day when he’s treading on you
Don’t tread on an ant you’ll end up black and blue
You cut off his head, legs come looking for you.”

It appears like I am in big trouble then…I cut down this dead limb on a mountain laurel at a clients house the other day and from the hole in the center rushed out hundreds of huge ants.  I had to wait a few minutes to allow the first few waves of workers to dissipate before venturing into the carnage with my camera.

Limbs, heads and torsos were strewn everywhere.

“Ach ESP, these things happun on the battlefield ye-ken…dunnai ye fret mun”.

These ants are

Camponotus sp.

workers feature greatly enlarged mandibular glands that run the entire length of the ant’s body. some species of Camponotus can release the contents of these glands suicidally, rupturing the ant’s body and spraying toxic substance from the head, which gives these species the common name “exploding ants.” The glue from the glands bursts out and immobilizes all nearby victims. I am so happy this did not happen to me, I could have been stuck out there for weeks.

Inspirational image of the week:

This week’s Inspirational image of the week comes from BERTHOLD haas who forges creative magic into rather large chunks of stone…

…In this case a carved limestone boulder fountain.

Stay Tuned for:

“Yule-Tidy all that up…Right?”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

 Here is some new footage from over the summer and the latest score from the Neheughkian Quartet:

Merry Christmas from us all in the Patch!

Halloween was met once again in the Patch with a lot of enthusiasm, though it did require some last minute costume design decisions:

Was it to be Harry Potter this year?

Or perhaps a dandy pirate?

I even had an interview with a vampire on the actual night:

But the scariest thing that happened to me on Halloween happened during daylight hours while I was removing a big circular carpet of this dense groundcover.

Now everyone who is a regular reader to the Patch knows of my (ahem) “deep-rooted” hatred of Bermuda grass, but the removal of this Asian Jasmine

Trachelospermum asiaticum

offers up a myriad of spine-tingling horrors that makes Bermuda grass removal seem suddenly quite “tame”.

If left to its own devices this plant will cover very large areas in its quest to slowly but surely take over an unsuspecting property, the local neighborhood and eventually the world.

I read somewhere that you can even use a glyphosate product, half strength, over the top of it to control weeds and it will still be okay – though don’t hold me to this.

It will circumnavigate low walls and structures to crawl into adjacent areas to further spread it’s aggressive green wings.

It also has to be one of the most horrible plants to remove from a landscape, think roaches…roaches…and many more unmentionables, all lying-in-wait to run up your legs, get into your gloves and generally make you extremely paranoid. Think grown men dropping shovels and performing ridiculous sideways dances while frantically beating their legs with flailing arms.

(Note to self: Never ever wear those shorts with the ripped hem and the hanging-down bit of fabric whilst removing this groundcover again)

Oh yes, I had multiple phantom leg roaches, then a real one just had to run over my shoulder…brrr (involuntary sideways jaw movements followed by left knee elevation etc…etc).

I have developed a technique that aids the removal of this plant…digging it out does not work, pulling on it is futile, but slicing and rolling it back on itself like a carpet works quite well. It is by no means perfect or remotely pleasant, but it works better than anything else. This particular carpet removal had a couple of “what is that?” moments, first we uncovered a bunch of rib bones, yes rib bones, then this emerged from the dark undergrowth:

This was just a little too realistic at first glance.

The foot was followed by:

a furry toy masquerading as dead animal. The next time I have a large amount of this groundcover to remove?

I will be better prepared.

Halloween week would not be complete without some spiders, now would it?

And I naturally encountered quite a few lurking under the jasmine, and under rocks.

Lets get started with the plastic-looking woodlouse hunter,

Species Dysdera crocata

The “two-tone” look, with the abdomen much lighter than the cephalothorax, is really quite striking… (pushes up thick glasses on nose bridge, emits a tiny snort).

Woodlouse hunters are often seen in the autumn in basements and other cool areas of homes; presumably they are looking for winter shelter. These spiders have very large fangs which they use to pierce the armored bodies of woodlice and beetles.

Next on my shovel is a Wolf Spider –

Schizocosa avida

Wolf spiders are members of the family Lycosidae, from the Greek word “lycosa” meaning “wolf” as their method of hunting is to run down their prey. They are robust and agile hunters that rely on good eyesight, well, having eight of them arranged in three rows helps.

And last but not least, what I believe to be a velvety Black House Spider,

Badumna insignis

Okay, okay…I get the hint!

Moving On:

Mist flowers are the stars this week in the Patch, from the blues…

…to the fragrant, they are putting on a fine show right now and attracting a multitude of insects.

It is also the time of Celosia,

pampas grass,

and the Austin Celtic Festival:

A fallen warrior trying to impress a nonchalant maiden.

“My name IS William Wallace, now, go get me some Cotton Candy”!

I also want to shout out a big thanks to all my Austin blogging friends who showed up for the “Patch A GoGo” happy hour.

Finally, I would like to share a design that I have recently executed for the Mary Lee Foundation on South Lamar in Austin:

http://www.maryleefoundation.org/who-we-are/history/

I worked with a local architect Jiří Hájek from HÁJEK & Associates, Inc. and Steven Zack, the coordinator for the project from the foundation to develop a wish-list of design criteria for the space. The goal for the garden was to create an interesting, organic space that offers a variety of destination points with multiple ways to get to them. Seating and social gathering places are intrinsic to the final design. The scheme incorporates “character-areas” each offering a range of different visual and tactile experiences and stimuli.

Stay Tuned for:

“The Wheels of Change”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.