Oh come on…it could have been another episode of the  “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.”

Unfortunately this gulf coast Tiddalik that Kumo kindly decided to deposit in our saltillo hallway was not quite so lucky on the moisture front…

Bad Kumo!

I have been wondering why our postman has not been delivering our christmas cards of late!

Bad Kumo!

It has been a couple of crazy busy weeks in the Patch.  Between the highly polarized activities of moving large quantities of granite,Tejas black gravel and Christmas shopping, the strains of the festive period are beginning to show in us all.

Stockings have been hung,

the tree decorated, and now for the build-up to the big-day. This prolonged finger-drumming wait is taking its toll psychologically on the halflings:

“Is it Christmas tomorrow”?

No…

“Can we open our presents now”?

No…

“Is it Christmas tomorrow”?

No…

“Can we ope… Arrghh!

I decided it was time to pick satsumas before I completely lost my mind.

We only had two satsumas this year, they were huge and tasted thoroughly disgusting, their texture resembling potatoes more then fruit.

If my satsumas were potatoes then my pond filter cleaning was going to provide the gravy:

No wonder water was struggling to circulate through all of this, but I am not complaining, oh no, quite the opposite.

Whenever I clean this filter I harvest the finest sludge available to humanity.

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2572458265/

I spread the gravy around the base of some lucky plants and trees with a maniacal grin on my face, to rot and wash down into the soil over the winter months. This has to be the best compost - 

fish excrement, mineral deposits, a pinch of salt and pepper and numerous other unmentionables all go into the complexity of this nutrient-rich soup.

Moving on:

Shock-pink celosia is putting on a gaudy winter display, I just hope enough of them will set seed to enable a harvest for next year.

Bees flood to this plant for a welcome mid-winter meal.

In stark contrast to the colorful celosia,

my hoja santa now bare a distinct resemblance to the Nazgû after the temperatures recently ducked to freezing, stripping the plants of their foliage.

Agave parryi would surely swing the balance of power in Middle Earth.

Another plant that is still putting on a good show is:

Podranea ricasoliana

This desert trumpet vine is attempting to completely engulf my neighbors wrought iron fence. Every time it makes contact with the ground, it takes root and forms another plant. Apart from the occasional bucket of water in the middle of August, this plant breezes through our tough and unpredictable central Texas weather.

Finally…

“Don’t tread on an ant he’s done nothing to you
There might come a day when he’s treading on you
Don’t tread on an ant you’ll end up black and blue
You cut off his head, legs come looking for you.”

It appears like I am in big trouble then…I cut down this dead limb on a mountain laurel at a clients house the other day and from the hole in the center rushed out hundreds of huge ants.  I had to wait a few minutes to allow the first few waves of workers to dissipate before venturing into the carnage with my camera.

Limbs, heads and torsos were strewn everywhere.

“Ach ESP, these things happun on the battlefield ye-ken…dunnai ye fret mun”.

These ants are

Camponotus sp.

workers feature greatly enlarged mandibular glands that run the entire length of the ant’s body. some species of Camponotus can release the contents of these glands suicidally, rupturing the ant’s body and spraying toxic substance from the head, which gives these species the common name “exploding ants.” The glue from the glands bursts out and immobilizes all nearby victims. I am so happy this did not happen to me, I could have been stuck out there for weeks.

Inspirational image of the week:

This week’s Inspirational image of the week comes from BERTHOLD haas who forges creative magic into rather large chunks of stone…

…In this case a carved limestone boulder fountain.

Stay Tuned for:

“Yule-Tidy all that up…Right?”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

 Here is some new footage from over the summer and the latest score from the Neheughkian Quartet:

Merry Christmas from us all in the Patch!

I learned something new today.

I learned that the “French Fork” facial hairstyle has absolutely nothing to do with gardening but was named after the utensil the French use for eating escargots.

They call it “fourchette à escargot”…and I keep threatening my daughter that I plan on growing and adorning one, just to push her buttons…(the facial hair, not the fork).

The French Fork is a little too straightforward for my aesthetic, but these on the other hand, these will turn heads!  You could even elaborate and install tiny pots into the circles and plant them up with some trailing Sedum morganianum…it would be magnificent. Imagine one of these combined with an iced turban at a stop-light.

A large client install and an upcoming garden bloggers shindig at the Patch has successfully depleted our supply of Epsom Salts and Aleve, but thankfully it is cooler and we have even had some rain, yes rain!

It was such a rare and exciting event he forgot to put his pants on in his eagerness to get outside at the crack of dawn.  (Stray sock courtesy of Kuminus Fangstratus).

This is his “Oh boy, I am in trouble again” face.

I spent the entire day working out in the rain, whistling and humming annoying tunes to myself.

The rain really helped to perk up everything, the first to react to the introduction of the strange wet substance was the sad loquats and

my hoja santa.

White stone-crop eagerly drank-up the moisture and doubled its dimensions overnight.  You have got to hand it to these tiny succulents and their ability to handle prolonged drought.

Opuntia paddles thickened,

and satsumas ripened,

but oooohh how the artemesia looks bad. Look at them now!…

…They look like a louisiana swamp cypress trees, yes that is what they are, swamp cypress trees, very small ones…dwarf in fact.

With that confusion all cleared up,

I decided to do some clearing up myself.  With the luxury of a steady rain falling on me, I pulled out the remains of my ghost plants which strangely made me want to go and eat blackened soft-shell crabs at Pappadeaux.  Which I did that very evening!

Naturally she wore her new, favorite dress. She has been devastated since…

Her favorite pizza restaurant closed.

I now fear that I may never get to implement a scheme for that strange sarcophagus planter.

http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2010/07/%e2%80%9cgarden-coffins%e2%80%9d/

With the rain and cooler temperatures, naturally I had to try out some new additions in the Patch, like this strangely named

Agave potatorum,

‘Kichokan Marginata’

or (Dwarf Variegated Butterfly Agave).

It looks like a variagated Agave parryi and I like it.

It is a small growing agave to 12 inches tall by 18 inches wide with short gray leaves margined with pale yellow streaks and blood smeared spines. Another new variegated addition to the Patch is this Hydrangea,

I have never tried growing them before so I have to give it a try.

And this one was listed on my receipt as just “plant” anyone know what this is? 

Can you tell this was an impulse purchase?

What great marginal frosting to the leaves.

Yes it has been quite the variegated week.

This sabal major unfurling a new frond caught my attention – very whale like.

And what is this?

Flowers in the Patch?

I think you can guess who was behind that chrysanthemum container.

Finally,

plant of the week has to be this desert trumpet vine which is gradually spreading down my fence line.

Stay Tuned for:

“It’s Electrifying!”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

This may take a while to load.  Pause it, let it load, go have a cup-of-tea, then check out the hilarious asymmetrical mustache, this is the one for me.

agave parryi truncata

Still no rain, lots of dust, and a summer cold for me…there, moaning all done for this week’s post.

This sad little gulf coast toad looks exactly how I feel at this point in the drought, I gave him a good dowsing with the watering can and quickly got him into some shade. I have been noticing quite a few dead toads around lately. I think the damp shady places that they rely on during the day have, like everything else,

turned to dust under the death rays.

WARNING…WARNING…

…never attempt to extract giant timber bamboo unless under the supervision of an adult.

I have been putting this task off since last winter when this huge giant timber bamboo got hammered by our hard freezes. Although it was pushing up new culms I was not prepared to go through this mess again. No, there was only one thing for it.

This monster almost got the better of me, and I am very determined when it comes to extracting plants that need to be extracted.

It was the most stubborn root-ball I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.  I started to work around it with my heaviest pointed shovel but I could get no movement out of it at all, it was like concrete, it was horrible. As the pace and the sweat quickened, the cut culms began to look more and more like octopus suckers, clinging to the soil…pick axe, rockbar, pick axe, shovel and then naturally…

Snap!  The force and speed of this breakage had me pirouetting out over the cut culms, which in-turn had me stumbling uncontrollably (zombie-like) into the adjacent hoja santa plants which were already quite unhappy.

Shovel #2.

Half an our later and lots of other creaking from shovel #2 and I finally heard some popping, music to my ears…I had beached the whale.

 Just what I need, another bare patch in the patch.

Moving along:

Texas sage is once again offering up more false promises or rain.

 and the inland sea oats are now in full fall color.

Celosia is pretty scarce in the Patch this year, most of it just wilted away like greens in a warm salad, this stand is my final hope for seeds this fall. These plants have been receiving supplemental water from my neighbor who is working to keep his struggling post oak alive.

I did notice a big change in the light quality this week, I think the summer (if not the drought) is finally fading behind us…and good riddance.

Here are a couple of gross things to ponder…

relax, this one does not seek shelter in houses. This is a female

Arenivaga

(arena meaning sand and vagus meaning wandering)

It is a genus of sand cockroaches, what a primordial looking creature…brrr.

And this next one was taken on an iPhone by my wife:

Scutigera coleoptrata

or a house centipede.

They are secretive,very odd looking and move with strange darting motions, and because of this homeowners typically fear the house centipede. Should you come across this very shy creature you might very well be inclined to immediately take your slipper to it, but these are actually beneficial in your home since they rid you of other pests like spiders,bedbugs,termites,cockroaches silverfish,firebrats,carpet beetle larvae ants and other household arthropods.

I found this pest lurking under the bed,

Kuminus Fangstratus

a vicious nocturnal creature.

Finally:

Apart from the Texas Sages, oleander and my mist flowers are about the only thing that are both blooming and still looking good, talk about plants that can weather the storm (or in this case the lack of it).

These Poecilognathus – a kind of bee fly (Diptera: Bombyliidae) covered the pale blue blooms. (Thanks for the ID meredee)

As there is not much to do in the garden but wait, (and cut down dead bamboo). I decided this week to give my own pathways a quick replenishment of the golden soil.

I do this every few years as the granite degrades and packs down.

After a hard day’s work there is nothing better than playing the smurfs next to her now sleepy Kuminus Fangstratus.

Inspirational image of the week:

Car Part Sculptor by James Corbett.

James Corbett is a renowned eco friendly artist and is known to create awesome sculpture from waste auto parts.

http://www.jamescorbettart.com/default.html

Stay Tuned for:

“French Fork”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Oh yes, it was time to replenish my pruning tools with some sharp fresh blood, in this case a couple of pairs of brand spanking new Felco secateurs, courtesy of Hill Country Gardens. I even splashed out on a new pair of gloves!  I go through gloves faster then the snout weevil goes through my agaves and generally buy a new pair at the start of each install (they usually only last about that long) we will see how these hold up. Oh yes the pruners…the smell of new forged steel and fresh oil.

I was hunched over my new UPS delivery in my living room, inhaling deeply and rotating the new blades like Gollum would his ring. I whispered under my breath…“my preciouses”, and flicked the unlock mechanism, my wife caught me in the act and asked what on earth I was doing?

I love new tools almost as much as new electronic devices (which have an even better aroma), a loud nostril inhale always follows the automatic door opening when I enter Best Buy.

I wasted no time trying out my new implements, the first heirloom tomato of the year seemed like fair game. While my head was buried deep inside my tomato plants I had the distinct impression that I was being watched.

“No-one would have believed in the early years of the twenty-first century, that our world was being watched by intelligences greater than our own. That as men busied themselves about their various concerns, they observed and studied.

With infinite complacency men went to and fro about the globe, confident of their empire over this world.

Yet, across the gulf of space, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic regarded our planet with envious eyes. And slowly, and surely drew their plans against us”.

Ceriagrion aeruginosum

Wake Up!

They are also known as Big Red Damselflies, and although they are bright red, they are also very hard to spot. Damselflies are predators, they will eat nearly any other insect and are especially adept at picking aphids off plants, they are our garden friends…in stark contrast to this chap:

who showed up in my last remaining pampas grass this week,

knifes, forks and jaws at the ready.

The bee mimicking hoverflies are once again protecting their most prized bounty, this Barbados cherry.

They get so annoyed and aggressive when I am around this plant, but I know they are the con-men of the insect world, the charlatans, always threatening to sting but having no stingers to deliver the punch. This particular one is a carpenter bee as it turns out… (thanks for the post post positive ID meredee).

Evergreen wisteria,

Millettia reticulata

is forming blooms, and lots of them. This is one of my favorite vines so naturally I have three of them in different places all over the Patch. Give it plenty of room though, it will get quite large and very heavy, though it is not invasive…highly recommended.

Here is the vine looming over two trellises that my bench is anchored to.

Echinacea and Madame Ganna Walska water lilies are also entering their prime this week.

I decided this stand of Mexican weeping bamboo needed some additional recognition for attaining such a substantial diameter. This semi-circular pattern of three different brick sizes worked out a treat, laid directly into decomposed granite. I had no idea what I was going to do when I started this, but the final free-form result works to draw attention to this specimen plant.

My helper did a great job of handing me the bricks from the wheelbarrow, this made a huge difference, not having to do a hundred squats back and forth. The sabal major on the right will require another rainbow arc (which will ultimately join this one) as it matures.

And to finish…some Patch oddities this week:

Can you spot the green lynx spider?

Fall Aster, in May?

A stunted hollyhock, this has to be smallest ever.

The magenta blood vessels on these chard leaves were amazing, these shots came from Sheryl Williams’ vegetable garden who was recently featured on the Inside Austin Gardens Tour

Here is her blog:

http://yardfanatic.blogspot.com/

Mount Bonnell, ESP Design Install…part two:

Front of house / Patio

The fenced in courtyard has a magnificent Mediterranean fan palm growing in it, one of the largest I have seen…so you can grow them in Austin!  The before image (left) was a rather random affair, lots of mediums doing visual battle with each other, and seemingly haphazard plantings of ornamental grasses in a bed of turfallo grass that was weak and full of weeds.  The visualization on the right adds a bit of punch to the scene. I decided to replace the grass with Tejas black shingle to deepen the contrast and to reference the color of the wrought iron work on the enclosed patio. The focal point at this stage was a proposed bubble fountain that later became a planter. I went for a stand of soft leaf yucca to contrast the grasses that remained.

Here is the final result:  The planter is populated by a baby Agave parryi huachucensis and is surrounded by accenting grey flagstone.

The white limestone rocks inside the enclosed patio area I also replaced with the Tejas black shingle to add further visual continuity through the scene to the house.

And some shots of the new Hell-strip:

Stay Tuned for:

“Close Encounter”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.