Gross Post Alert!…Gross Post Alert!

The stench inside this cavern I cannot put into words, for fear of involuntary retching over my laptop keyboard once again just remembering it (mops side of mouth with Kleenex). It really was the most diabolical combination of fermented sweet and sour, and I am not talking about a kimchee – esque aroma, (which I love) oh no! Let me try and explain it, just to get you in the appropriate gag arena: Imagine a sickly sweet pumpkin pudding aroma, combined simply with fizzing rotten chicken (description courtesy of my oldest hobbit, minus the fizzing), it also had the texture of moist bread! (Burp… starts to look around worried).

This nasty cavern, (caverns being a popular post-topic recently in the Patch), was created as I started to examine this thing of immaculate beauty…

My largest

Colocasia

or giant elephant ear. Granted it is looking more like the painful stump of an elephant’s foot right now, but not for long, not for long at all!

I have left this tuber in the ground for the past four years, no problem, but this year’s prolonged cold winter temperatures had apparently taken their squishy toll. I prodded it, my hobbits prodded it, it started to ooze flesh, this could not be good. Then we all prodded it some more. Remember the infamous scene in poltergeist when the paranormal investigator started to touch his face, then proceeded to dig in his fingers and pull off his face?

Well that’s how we got started with this Taro…A prod led to a poke that led to a gouge that…

led to a push…

That led to the Taro finally “giving way” in a scene reminiscent of the horrible resuscitation scene from “The Thing”.

I think we all remember what disgusting “thing” happens next! I digress. When the head of the taro rolled back everyone recoiled and “ewwed” simultaneously, turning our faces away from the smell that hit us like a tsunami of flatulence. A stink horn is a terrible thing (right G?) http://thegerminatrix.com/?p=637 but this rank atrocity came pretty close as far as tickling ones stomach release valve.

“It’s just a rotten Taro ESP, nothing to be scared about”.

If you say so scary Kane! Brrrr

A couple of hours after the decapitation, I reluctantly revisited the carnage and found these tiny iridescent

Dolichopus

flies having a great time, their wings flicking back and forth in sick excitement.

These tiny, tiny flies are really interesting visually, looking like molten metal, their segmented bodies are really quite amazing. This one is about to make a left turn apparently.

Enough nastiness…

What!

Okay I promise that is it on the gross front…

Today was the day to move a rather large rock, a rock that has stayed where it fell from a truck that delivered a large delivery of decomposed granite some time ago.

The rock was wiggled and pried, rotated and shuffled down the slope until it came to rest and leveled in a more appropriate location…Thanks Bob at Draco! http://dracogardens.blogspot.com/ (and “PP” for the pry-bar and strategic leveling).

…right in front of my beautiful gas meter. While I was messing around in this part of the Patch I decided to relocate a plant or twelve, the agave and agave parryi var. truncata all coming from this container:

None of these plants were doing particularly well, buried in the shade of the vines that are slowly coming back into the land of the living.

This area took a real beating when the hole where the Tahoe hit http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2009/09/dude-wheres-my-car/ was being repaired, it received a lot of foot traffic and compaction as the house was repaired and repainted. Here it is the area planted up, the bed also has Mexican bush sage pushing through that will soften the scene and provide good contrast with the agave’s as they mature. The two silver Agave , known as Parry’s agave or mescal agave, are slow-growing agave’s native to Mexico (Sonora), hopefully these will reach their full potential in their new, more sun-loving home.

An old ceder carcass is added for a “Waltons” moment.

Now to wait for the scene to fill-in. There is also a line of tiny transplanted feather grasses in front of the moss boulders, well it wouldn’t be the Patch without them after all!

While all this transplanting and rock shuffling was going on, my Hobbits were being way..way too quite…

They had found my last trowel, (my favorite trowel has been missing for the last couple of weeks), I surmise that somehow it has found it’s way to “Davy Jones’ Locker“ at the bottom of my stock tank fish-pond. Mmm…Now I wonder who would do such a thing?

Apparently the hole was to house a pill bug and this snail, a few leaves were thrown in then the hole back filled.

The raggedy pram makes it into yet another shot. After the hole was filled in, my oldest hobbit went to the back garden to check on her new container garden that she has taken over as manager…

…and things seem to be growing very well. This is all hers!

Moving on…

Snail, cactus and verbena…

Here is the same purple verbena in full flight…

attracting once again the zombie / Thestral eyes of this swallowtail butterfly.

“I see the swallowtail too Harry”

Looking like a glittering harlequin’s hat, the blooms on this ghost plant are really quite involved… when you get up close.

This paper wasp is looking pretty sharp, color coordinated on the blooms of this gopher plant…

and my Mexican lime lives, it lives I tell you! This is the first bit of green it has developed at the base of the trunk. I knew she would pull through!

Tiny seed pods are now replacing the fading blooms of the mountain laurels.

The ESP is jumping further out of winter everyday, the survival of my Mexican lime tree and my Barbados cherry has made my week, even both of my dwarf bottle-brushes are steaming back to life. Although spring usually lasts a matter of hours in Central Texas, I plan to make the most of it…an iced turban will be in my future soon enough after all!

That little sotol in the middle of my circular bed is finally starting to develop a presence!

And finally:

I told you I was not finished with these four “nervous” daisies quite yet.

Inspirational Images of the week:

Anybody visiting Zilker Gardens in Austin last weekend for the plant festival, probably noticed this crazy Texas red bud specimen…

MacCrimmon’s Lament [Song]…Mac Umber

Stay Tuned for:

“If you Mock Orange Me, I’ll Satsum ya!”

All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by  late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

With the painting in the Patch almost finished, it was time I created some more work for myself, today the Eye of Sauron cast a cold gaze on this garden scene…

The scale of this Mexican weeping bamboo and the stock-tanked golden bamboo where the Tahoe hit has disturbed me for quite some time.  The plants are just too tall in front of the house, what had been my thought process here? A momentary loss of sanity?  Anyway, my primal Advil taking instinct told me this was going to be one tough dig!  The one-ton rock you can see in front of the feeder tank has not moved since it fell off the back of the wagon that delivered my last six yards of decomposed granite, six months ago.

“Fascinating ESP, your rock strangely resembles and parallels this similar unmovable rock on Vulcan.”

It is a really cool rock though and it looks like the shape of Texas from the right angle, with one eye shut, standing on your head, etc, etc.  Today I was overhauling this area.  I knew that the Mexican weeping bamboo was not going to go down, or out of the ground for that matter, without a major shovel fight, it was quite established after all…

Oh yes you had better stay rigid trusty old shovel, because a Darwin Award could be awarded to me if you snap right now! The plant moaned and groaned, and my shovel and I followed suit with an occasional “why you little…” thrown in on my part for good measure.  Eventually I felt the final roots give and the beast was finally freed from the earth, it immediately started to scream and object like an unearthed mandrake root.  I laid on my back looking up at the sky, seeing stars.

This extraction was easy in comparison.

Botanists have uncovered a carnivorous plant in the Philippines that is large enough to digest a whole rat. (The plant is about a meter across with these cups at the end of stalks to catch prey).

Nepenthes northiana

Here is the carnivorous pitcher plant preparing to tuck into a rat.  Can you believe this?  Look at the remarkable painted coloration on the lips of these cups.

“Oh no! I told him he should have become a head-chef ” Brrr… (whiskers involuntary twitch and large teeth bite upper lip, tiny limb and small ear movements).

Stewart McPherson, one of the botanists who trekked deep into the Philippine forest to make the discovery, described the plant…

“Around the mouth of the pitcher are secretions of nectar which attracts insects and small animals. The rim has lots of waxy downward-pointing ridges which help prey fall directly into the pitcher.  The pitchers are half full of a liquid consisting of acids and enzymes which help break down its prey. These plants grow in really harsh areas where soil quality is very poor — often pure gravel or sand. Catching insects allows the plant to augment nutrients that it otherwise wouldn’t have access to.” … Mmmm perhaps a mass planting in the hell-strip? That would be novel!

Inspirational image of the week:

Talking about the top of a remote mountain!  I have decided that this is where I want to spend my Autumn years when they arrive, a house nestled up in the trees, a Heli-drop of deli produce and beer once a month, fast internet connection, and “raised” (ahem) vegetable beds…you get the absurd picture.

Stay Tuned for:

“Life and Death”

All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by  late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

“In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to serve as a flotation device”

And even more rain in Central Texas…and even more mosquitoes, although I have noticed that they are getting slower, their desperation for the red matter making them easier to swat. There are also some mosquito-monsters, what is that? Is that a? You have got to be kidding me… some are so large, getting stung is like getting stabbed with a knitting needle. Hey, everything is bigger in Texas.

The rain had beaten down this swallowtail butterfly to the ground, along with some Mexican Bush Sage. When I approached, as if on cue, the bird moved a wing ever so feebly, like a surrender flag.  It was a tragic scene.

I managed to get the butterfly on a small twig where I then placed it up higher, next to one of my gazing balls, to get a breeze and dry it’s wings off.  As soon as a breeze hit it’s wings, it immediately struck a pose.

Like a huge flying mantra ray, or a solar sail in orbit around an alien sun, it sat in that spot for hours, slowly fanning it’s wings. The next day it had gone, perhaps an anole ate it? Perhaps it dried off and flew away? I will never know.

Uhh ohh…(sirens go off)

NERD Alert, NERD Alert, NE…

It seems as though my Giant Timber Bamboo has developed barnacles, bamboo barnacles!

Small ones, large ones, exploded ones, If you have Giant Timber, the chances are you have some of this, a US import from the East.

Try saying that one at a party to ensure everybody looks at you like a freak for the rest of the evening!  The Asterolecaniidae, or pit scales, are an unusual group in which many members can cause “pits” to occur on their host plants, usually Bambusa.

Many are considered as damaging pests on their hosts, sucking the sap from the culm sheath and stems. (Adjusts glasses) This is one of the more common pit scales. The coloration of this scale is light green to light brown with a cream colored to orange margin.  It has a waxy covering making it difficult to eradicate…I don’t even try. Snort

My front porch has been consumed and I mean consumed by this Passiflora Coccinea or Red Passion Flower this year. The vine escaped its usual winter die-back fate last year due to the particularly mild winter we had. This years growth on top of the old growth has created a vine of monsterous proportions, it is attempting to engulf my entire front porch. If we do not have a cold winter this year I fear my front door may become unusable.

It is like the carnivorous Mexican vine in the movie “The Ruins”.  It is even trying to get into the windows!  I will let it for now because in the mornings when the sun shines on it, it creates the best shadows to wake to, very jungle like, and I do like jungle.  I am just happy that it is not planted on the side of our house with the Tahoe hole in it, or I firmly believe it would already be inside the house, covering the TV and our Lazy Boys with it’s green tendrils.

House of Vines, originally uploaded by: jasohill

Could this be the fate of the Patch should we not get a good freeze this winter?

Staying on the subject of rather large vehicles, driving at high speed into the sides of houses, this is the current scene in our living room right now. The recent cold fronts we have been experiencing have created the need for some creative improvisation, oh yes when the colder wind picked up recently it was whistling through here. It made watching a movie feel more like an outdoor retreat. What was our creative improvisation?  Well as you can see, it involved copious amounts of Duct Tape and some plastic leaf bags to achieve this deconstructionist aesthetic. I have to mention that these bags are constantly sucking in and blowing out, it is like living inside of bellows.  The Botox Lady had a really strange look on her face when I walked past her from the shed carrying the roll of Duct Tape.

Another over-achiever that has really sprung this year (its third year) is this Buddha’s Belly Bamboo,

Bambusa tuldoides ‘Ventricosa’

I am thinking of taking out the white pomegranate shrub on the right of it to offer the scene some more breathing space. I have never really cared for this shrub, it has a scrappy curled look to it’s foliage, like it is perpetually thirsty.  Apart from the white blooms it develops in the spring, it mostly just sits there, bothering me, yes, I am afraid the woodcutter will return with his sharpened axe in the very near future, what do you think? Do I just hate “curly foliage”?

It is not like the Belly Bamboo does anything more spectacular, but the foliage just works for me as an imposing tropical backdrop to these variegated agaves.

I cannot describe how many insects are on this Amaranth at the moment. It has rendered my center pathway almost unusable. Clouds of moths,wasps,hoverflies,wasps,butterflies,bees surround you should you sweep past the colorful plant. It is quite staggering.

This one was particularly large and spiky, the body of the fly glowed ruby red.

The insects seem to get drunk on the Amaranth necter, not caring at all about the camera.

Arrooooooo!

Lots of fall color right now in the Patch courtesy of Amaranth, cigar plant, Philippine violet and Mexican bush sage.

We went to the Mueller playground at the weekend and spotted some of Austin’s very own Monk Parakeets, they were everywhere!  As were their feathers that kept falling out of the tree as I took this photograph.

Somebody got to work immediately collecting the colorful feathers.

Myself?…Naturally I was hunkered down next to this amazing specimen of Umbrella Plant

Cyperus alternifolius (Unbrella Papyrus)

I may just have to bury yet another rather large rubber container and get this one going. It would look great buried in the middle of a bed as a center-piece with an under-planting of…wait, I think I know just the place!

Finally…

A freshly emerged damselfly?

The Bog Cyprus in my main pond has started to brown and shed, so it is out with the net…

“Let the boring scooping begin!”

I hope you will check out the new ESP “character listings” at the top of the green side-bar under “Pages”. Let me know if I have missed any important details or if I have excluded anyone you think should have a presence there.

Cactus Man, Cactus Man where art thou?

Stay Tuned for:

“The Leaf, the Witch, and the Water-feature ”

All material © 2009 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by  late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Continued… As I leaned forward, duct tape at the ready, her botoxed lips reverberated with every exhale,  showering me with an extraordinary amount of saliva. She was still fast asleep, or so I thought, but I began to worry…would the adhesive work with such an abundance of moisture?  I soldiered on, ever closer. It seemed the whole garden fell silent, it was if every creature in the ESP was completely stationary, waiting to see what would happen next…

The brown-nosers didn’t twitch a nasal hair, the carver bees put down their chisels in the fragrant mist flowers, burying their heads in the pollen filled flowers as if not daring to watch the scene unfold.

This newly hatched dinosaur could not believe what he was witnessing as his first visual scenes fresh out of his egg, an egg sac that was still at this point…

attached onto his hind leg, this poor little anole was having to drag it around with him.

“Huh? What? Oh do not even think about it!  Izzard ESP…Izzard“!

The Paper wasps high up in the adjacent amaranth decided to just turn their backs, the suspense was also too much for them it seems.

Just as I was about to strike with the tape, the Botox lady’s large, cat-like eyes opened wide!  Uh Oh!

She opened her mouth in retort, and just before she screamed out in her loud Austrian accent, I had an uncustomary moment of pure clarity…yes…it might just work… I leaned in and whispered into her sea-shell ear four words that immediately got her undivided attention…“Shhh, Its bulk collection day,” which coincidentally was the same day as the shoot!

She was so quiet during the CTG film shoot, nobody knew she was even there, not even Linda!

Not a single lip-flapping, saliva spitting, napkin mopping lip-peep!

Silence IS Golden.

Other strange happenings in the Patch this week:

“Captain, it appears we have a Euclea delphinii – Euclea , on the starboard bow”

Spiny Oak-Slug Moth

This is a stinging caterpillar, it looks like it would be!  This caterpillar looks like it would be as happy on a coral reef as it would be on a variety of trees. Amazing patterns and shapes, I found this “kling-on” resting on top of my recycling bin, situated under a large Post Oak tree.

“Sounds like my kind of caterpillar eh Eddie.”

The larvae in this group are unique in that they are leg-less. Many have stinging spines. These have to be among some the most beautiful caterpillars out there!  They also come in a rainbow of different colors and designs, this one just happens to be lime green and orange.

Image taken from rustyblackbird’s photostream under the creative commons attribution-non-commercial-no derivative 2.0 licence

Here is the small moth the larvae grows into. I have still yet to see one in person.

“”Who loves ya, baby? You know this next one is my favorite ESP”…

Cigar Plant,

Cuphea ignea

The species name ignea is Latin for fire.

The cigar plant is native to Mexico and the islands of the West Indies. It is a relatively fast grower and requires little attention. It is also a party place for all manner of butterflies and hummingbirds, they love these tubular flowers. I like the foliage, (imagine that), they are very tropical, with an abundance of leaves that grow all the way down the plants stem, for an added layering effect.

Here is my Barbados cherry, also providing some color right now with all it’s red berries…although they never last very long on the plant, at least, not in the Patch…

The shiny red ones are harvested it seems as fast as their color changes. The Artemisia, Powis Castle, hill in the background has really filled in with the recent rains.

I caught this minute translucent spider throwing up his huge arms in aggressive indignation on the approach of the camera lens, on one of my Jewels of Opar? (Oh yes, I will find a way of getting this plant into yet another post).

Look at that peeping eye! Now this has to be the smallest stink-eye caught on camera, ever!  Oh you can beat it?  Oh and is that really an eye?

Here he is scurrying away at high speed from the camera.  He actually shot a Spider-Man line of silk to expedite his escape to an adjacent branch.

My fragrant mistflowers have finally started to decline after an illustrious display of grandeur this year, I guess conditions have been just about perfect for this plant.

I still think the plant is aromatically challenged though Pam :-)

This Mexican Lime tree has also been a solid producer this year, we have had limes from this tree all summer long, and there are still plenty ripening as you can see.  This tree has really grown a lot this year, it is actually starting to finally look like a mature citrus tree…almost!

Purple in the Patch. Anyone know what the dark purple plant with the broad leaves is in the foreground?

Moving around to the front of the ESP…

Sago and Opuntia climbing to new heights, oh yes I will have my Opuntia tree, won’t I Germi?  I recently planted these three Agave americana pups around this scene to add a splash of spiky drama. The soil in this part of the patch is particularly nasty, I thought these guys should be able to handle the adverse conditions, and wanted to get them started.  The color and form of the agaves should work well with the darkness of the sago in the background. This hell-strip will eventually be dug down a little and the soil replaced with decomposed granite, one bit of the hell-strip at a time, that is what I say!

“I find myself completely disagreeing with that final statement ESP. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to finish the hell-strip first, then progress to the rest of the garden, and I do like to think of myself as having a bit of a red thumb”.

Stay Tuned for:

“The Sacrifice”

All material © 2009 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by  late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.