Oh come on…it could have been another episode of the  “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.”

Unfortunately this gulf coast Tiddalik that Kumo kindly decided to deposit in our saltillo hallway was not quite so lucky on the moisture front…

Bad Kumo!

I have been wondering why our postman has not been delivering our christmas cards of late!

Bad Kumo!

It has been a couple of crazy busy weeks in the Patch.  Between the highly polarized activities of moving large quantities of granite,Tejas black gravel and Christmas shopping, the strains of the festive period are beginning to show in us all.

Stockings have been hung,

the tree decorated, and now for the build-up to the big-day. This prolonged finger-drumming wait is taking its toll psychologically on the halflings:

“Is it Christmas tomorrow”?

No…

“Can we open our presents now”?

No…

“Is it Christmas tomorrow”?

No…

“Can we ope… Arrghh!

I decided it was time to pick satsumas before I completely lost my mind.

We only had two satsumas this year, they were huge and tasted thoroughly disgusting, their texture resembling potatoes more then fruit.

If my satsumas were potatoes then my pond filter cleaning was going to provide the gravy:

No wonder water was struggling to circulate through all of this, but I am not complaining, oh no, quite the opposite.

Whenever I clean this filter I harvest the finest sludge available to humanity.

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2572458265/

I spread the gravy around the base of some lucky plants and trees with a maniacal grin on my face, to rot and wash down into the soil over the winter months. This has to be the best compost - 

fish excrement, mineral deposits, a pinch of salt and pepper and numerous other unmentionables all go into the complexity of this nutrient-rich soup.

Moving on:

Shock-pink celosia is putting on a gaudy winter display, I just hope enough of them will set seed to enable a harvest for next year.

Bees flood to this plant for a welcome mid-winter meal.

In stark contrast to the colorful celosia,

my hoja santa now bare a distinct resemblance to the Nazgû after the temperatures recently ducked to freezing, stripping the plants of their foliage.

Agave parryi would surely swing the balance of power in Middle Earth.

Another plant that is still putting on a good show is:

Podranea ricasoliana

This desert trumpet vine is attempting to completely engulf my neighbors wrought iron fence. Every time it makes contact with the ground, it takes root and forms another plant. Apart from the occasional bucket of water in the middle of August, this plant breezes through our tough and unpredictable central Texas weather.

Finally…

“Don’t tread on an ant he’s done nothing to you
There might come a day when he’s treading on you
Don’t tread on an ant you’ll end up black and blue
You cut off his head, legs come looking for you.”

It appears like I am in big trouble then…I cut down this dead limb on a mountain laurel at a clients house the other day and from the hole in the center rushed out hundreds of huge ants.  I had to wait a few minutes to allow the first few waves of workers to dissipate before venturing into the carnage with my camera.

Limbs, heads and torsos were strewn everywhere.

“Ach ESP, these things happun on the battlefield ye-ken…dunnai ye fret mun”.

These ants are

Camponotus sp.

workers feature greatly enlarged mandibular glands that run the entire length of the ant’s body. some species of Camponotus can release the contents of these glands suicidally, rupturing the ant’s body and spraying toxic substance from the head, which gives these species the common name “exploding ants.” The glue from the glands bursts out and immobilizes all nearby victims. I am so happy this did not happen to me, I could have been stuck out there for weeks.

Inspirational image of the week:

This week’s Inspirational image of the week comes from BERTHOLD haas who forges creative magic into rather large chunks of stone…

…In this case a carved limestone boulder fountain.

Stay Tuned for:

“Yule-Tidy all that up…Right?”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

 Here is some new footage from over the summer and the latest score from the Neheughkian Quartet:

Merry Christmas from us all in the Patch!

Oh yes, I think I can officially say that I am ready for our bulk pick up to happen, as I am sure my neighbors are who have had to unfortunately look down on this rather hillbilly scene for the last few weeks.

“Dang, squirrel! And darn.”

I am convinced that these pallets are procreating, they have to be. There are definitely more stacked up with every passing day.

There are also more of these bog cypress leaves in my pond every day along with those strange unidentified “brains” I keep reporting and wittering on about. Today we all banded together to get to the bottom of the mysterious brains…today the experiment started:

I went into my shed and grabbed my white lab coat and notepad while my halflings got busy picking some of the larger specimen brains out of the pond.

There were some beauties…

…”Ack ack ack ack-ack”!

We placed the brains with their brain-stems facing down in a pot (it seemed logical), filled it with soil and returned the pot to the pond.

I will report next year, or as soon as something emerges from the damp soil.

All this talk of brains quickly turned to zombies,

Though to me he looked a lot more…

“Village of the Damned” than zombie.

Brrr…Moving On:

These suspended milkweed seeds were launching themselves in all directions the other day with our recent freshening breezes.

I snagged some and planted them in the ground in an attempt to increase their chances of germination.(snort)

Other notable events in the Patch this week…

Flowering loquats are covered in honey bees and my satsumas are the size of grapefruits.

This little tree only produced two satsumas this year as it focused all of its energy on staying alive during this summer’s drought. 

Here is the same tree two years ago with over a 100 satsumas on it (and a lot more rain).

Yucca filamentosa looks like the morning after a serious party, especially when backlit from a wintery sun. The leaf margins carry numerous white curled filaments which catch the light, hence filamentosa. 

Also should you find yourself out in the wild and cold, the flowering stalk of this plant is an excellent wood to use to make a friction fire because the wood of this yucca has one of the lowest temperatures for catching a flame. And, should you also be getting a bit funky in the odor department, the root of the plant can be shaved and used as a rudimentary soap to wash yourself, your clothing and hair.

“Kuuumooo”!

Here is a festive winter ground-hugging planting combination:

Santolina and plumosa fern.

And here is the latest addition to the Patch:

Ramie is one of the oldest vegetable fibers and has been used for thousands of years. It was used in mummy cloths in Egypt during the period 5000 – 3000 BC, and has been grown in China for many centuries. Ramie 

Boehmeria nivea

is commonly known as China grass, white ramie, green ramie and rhea, it is one of the group referred to as the bast fiber crops. The ramie plant is a hardy perennial belonging to the Urticaceae or Nettle family (leaves are a give away), which can be harvested up to 6 times a year.

I have no experience with this plant in central Texas…do you?

Finally:

I never really know what to expect when I look in my rear view mirror, in fact most of the time I try to ignore what is going on back there in an attempt to keep my blood-pressure from elevating. But these distinguished “gentlemen” were sufficiently ridiculous, it warranted a reverse in-car shot.

He was to be appropriately known as professor “Mad-Pants” and she, for whatever reason, became professor “Toddy”.

“Carpe diem”

Professor Toddy taking a leisurely and reflective fall stroll through the campus grounds and some waning purple fountain grasses.

Stay Tuned for:

“Tiddalik”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

The spiraling seed heads on this miscanthus do look electrifying,

but the title of this post is in celebration of finally losing these:

For years now I have had two heavy gauge and extremely annoying extension cords running from a GFCI circuit on my back deck all the way down the side of my property to my ponds. Today this was all going to change,

Today I have the electricians coming!

Luckily for me when I first started to carve into the Patch to create planting beds, I laid conduit in preparation for this historic day. Here is the trench way back when:

Is that some grass I see?

A secondary trench was dug inside this one to take the pvc pipe down toward the end of the garden.

and here it is today all prepped and ready for the fixtures. These GFCI outlets come with a light fixture already attached to the top of them so I wasted no time in getting some eerie colors working in the Patch. Next step is to illuminate my post oak tree, more on this later.

Talking of eerie, the “brains” (as we commonly refer to them) have returned to the pond,   This year in larger numbers than ever.

They really have an effective design…the “brain” provides flotation whilst assuring the the “brain-stem” roots always hover vertically allowing them to catch onto something and root. Ingenious.

Could this be a baby Walska?

Something even more disturbing:

While I was laying some mulch down I caught the unmistakable, unhealthy aroma of a stink horn…and judging from the intensity of the stench it was a bruised one…which is never a good thing at any time.

Eyes darted here and there, scouring the earth for the evil monstrosity…where was it…where was it?

Had I knelt on it? Tell me I hadn’t knelt on it. I knew it must be close to me. I looked behind me to see Kumo proudly holding it in the corner of his mouth like a rotting cigar. Before I could even get out of the planting bed [LEAVE IT] he had scampered over and dropped it in the middle of his favorite flattened feather grass. [LEAVE IT!] He paused, looked at me, then got on his back and started to roll around on it. [Oh for heavens sake].

Bad, stinky Kumo!

Moving On:

Temperatures are now very pleasant in Central Texas, just right for dangling your toes in the pond. My goldfish seem to think they are Garra rufa, exfoliating feet and toes to the delight and squeals of the halflings.

Brrr!

There is a hazard to dangling one’s toes in a fishpond though…

rogue strands of oxygen weed.

This week has seen a steady flow of migrating Monarch Butterflies filtering through the Patch,

their favorite ports of call are butterfly weed Asclepias tuberosa (naturally) and some blue mist flowers I have in my front garden.

Oxalis has reemerged in the cooler weather and is flowering once again.

A moment of zen under the Mexican weeping bamboo.

Talking of weeping, my pecan trees are currently engaged in yet another rather annoying activity…this time dropping sweet sugar-water all over the place.

My new barbeque pit!

In the late afternoon sun you can actually see the sticky rain falling. 

This sparkling dandelion seed head was adhered to these leaves by the sugary substance.

Finally:

You didn’t think you could escape without seeing at least one very odd bug did you? 

Common Bagworm

Psyche casta

Bagworm moths build houses from all kinds of materials.  Each species designs and builds its own particular type of architecture, it is these structures that allow them to be identified. The Common Bagworm climbs on to plants and trees, but harvests wood from houses and sheds as well.

Inspirational sketch of the week:

http://www.morstudio.co/projects/entries/?id=5

Stay Tuned for:

“Little Monsters”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

I thought that I would start this post of with a cheerful yet strangely (in these days) controversial “how life started”, shortly before diving into significant amounts of death and continued moaning.

This little anole looks exactly how I feel.

This unfortunate chap was fried in the bottom of my “everything but the kitchen sink” rainwater collection “system”, which has been bone dry for quite some time, in fact it now functions more like a convection oven. I try and check for stray anoles in this tank as much as I can but this one slipped through my vigilance net apparently right onto the scorching galvanized steel griddle base, he did not stand a chance with our Austin temperatures currently comparable to the aftermath of  Mount Vesuvius’s eruption.

After hearing about some compost piles spontaneously combustion in our area this week…(yes that is how hot it is), I no longer venture close to mine, just in case. I know how much nitrogen is in there!

Maggie and Jim, (my neighbors on the other side from poor Ernie), recently emptied some greens into their compost barrel, it was a terrible affair.

This fatsia japonica also self-combusted this past week. I believe the reflected heat from the stock tank made it croak…all my other aralias are coping just fine.

There is still life at the base so my hopes are tentatively high for a full recovery, which is more than I can hope for from my feeder stock tank.

Shortly after topping up this sunken tank that I use to dechlorinate water before I siphon it into my main fish pond, I noticed that it was no longer retaining its contents.

On closer inspection I noticed that it had developed holes in the rust around its perimeter which is really annoying as now I have to dig it out and replace it.

It appears that our Austin tap water, will, over a few years, disintegrate galvanized steel stock tanks, well, that is my theory, any thoughts? My main pond, receiving predominately dechlorinated water is still devoid of any rust and subsequent degradation, it is eight years old and still going strong. This tank will spend its autumn years as another bog pond, well, can you have too many?

While I scurried around the tank hunting for the leak,

I came face to faces with these two gulf-coast toads under a lily pad.

In the heat of the midday sun even the small chain-link leaves on my pride of Barbados close up to reflect the suns deadly rays.

Here it is behind a stressed out sago, still it is not all doom and gloom…

…grasses, yucca, sages and laurels don’t seem to care about the weather. While I was in this neck of the Patch I decided I would replenish the protective ring of Diatomaceous Earth around the base of the soft leaf yucca, in case, along with everything else, it had dried-up and blown-away.

Everone knows that there is nothing soft about soft leaf yucca, and trying to apply a ring of very fine powder around the base of one, in a 111 degree temperatures, ranks up there on the arm stabbing annoyance scale with pruning sotols.

Arm Stabbing Annoyance Scale:

So what is this Diatomaceous Earth anyway?

It is fitting that we started with evolution, skeletons and lots of dead plants as Diatomaceous earth is actually made from fossilized water plants, specifically, unicellular algae-like plants called diatoms.  It is believed that 30 million years ago the diatoms built up into deep, chalky deposits of diatomite.

Here are some live ones from Antarctica: 

Photographer: Prof. Gordon T. Taylor, Stony Brook University
Credit: NSF Polar Programs

Photo: wikipedia:

The diatoms are mined and ground up to render a powder that looks and feels like talcum powder. It is a mineral based pesticide. The fine powder absorbs lipids from the waxy outer layer of insects’ exoskeletons, causing them to dehydrate and die.

I am using it to protect my agaves and yuccas from the terror that lies below the nose of the evil agave snout weevil, and so far it appears to be working.

I was really happy to find (in-between the puncture wounds and the foul language) that my yucca has had some babies, quadruplets in fact. These will be moved to new pastures as soon as my metal shovel cools down enough to be handled.

Moving on:

It arrived in a small UPS box that was eagerly ripped open like a Willy Wonka chocolate bar by some little hands, excitement was high with the prospect of discovering precious materials, gems and all manner of other imaginary bounties.

Their junior metal detector had finally arrived.  They wasted no time in getting out into the garden (as you can tell from his attire) and within minutes, armed with my garden trowel, dug out a penny.  Thus began a treasure hunting obsession and I am sure the demise of my decomposed granite pathways – good thing that I plan on replenishing them in the next few weeks.

It could only be a matter of time before the jackpot was hit, surely.

So far the prospectors have successfully found…

mm, not quite…

but it is treasure to them.

Inspirational (if rather odd) Image of the week:

This garden shower by Viteo is an upside down shower. You connect it to your garden hose and by stepping on it 4 meter high water jets cool you down.  I want these as weight activated stepping stones all the way down to my shed in preparation for next year’s summer…ahhh.

Stay Tuned for:

“ Flying Walnuts”

All material © 2011 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.