“Gross Alert”…”Gross Alert…Condition Red”… Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

The other day we were having a late lunch / early dinner accompanied by our hobbits. We had the usual “musical chairs” kerfuffle as we always do facing the simple, but apparently daunting entity…a rectangular table with four chairs surrounding it!  It is like we all have to subliminally agree who sits where like a family of dogs battling to get pole position in the basket.  The despair on our twenty-something waiter’s face was tangible, I was him in another life.  Once finally settled,  the same waiter came back to take our food order,  as he approached the table, I noticed him, noticing my youngest, extracting a rather stubborn… (I had no idea mining had prematurely started…it wasn’t scheduled) “nose boulder”, a boulder that, if frosted, would not have looked out of place on the North face of K2, oh yes, it cast a sinister dark shadow over the table on its rather ungainly and secretive birth.  My appetite receded.

With the substantial “ore” now presenting itself proudly on his unsanitary stalagmite finger, my wife was on it before I even had chance to move in slow motion toward it, moaning a long drawn-out Hollywood “Nooooooooo!”

As fast as the unmentionable was was smothered by a napkin, a reaction ensued that nobody, including the restaurant kitchen staff, waiters, front of house, could ever of anticipated…we had apparently unleashed the…

with our nasal-prospecting denial…with one final desperate lunge across the table he tried to re-obtain his “precious”,  out of nowhere he screamed out…

“Hey!…I was gonna’  eat dat!”

A silence fell over the establishment.

Moving quickly on…

I walked around to my stock tank early this morning, optimistically hoping that perhaps it may have showered during the night.  Not yet quite awake, (pre-coffee),  I walked up to the tank to take a look.

As I peered inside, this fledgling blue jay erupted with a horrific scream that could have woken the

I was amazed how such a small bird could deliver such a decibel level.   I scooped it up into a bucket and quickly released it before it could gather itself and emit the ear bleeding racket once again.  The bird’s parents immediately flew into a nearby tree and started to call for it.

After my shattered morning nerves had returned to normal, I wandered to my papyrus stock tank. I had recently added a couple of canna lily transplants and wanted to check in on them.

This worm has a winter tree-lined avenue scene on the side of it, complete with white fluffy clouds.

Canna lilies are mostly pest-free, but like these recent transplants they sometimes fall victim to the Canna Leaf Roller, a particularly disturbing and destructive olive worm.  This is the larva of the Brazilian skipper butterfly

Photo by the Massachusetts Butterfly Club

Calpodes ethlius

also known at the Larger Canna Leaf Roller. The worms cut the canna leaves and roll them over to live inside the cozy domicile while pupating and scoffing down on the leaf, and can they scoff!  Look at my new cannas!

It has been a week of finding new insects in the Patch, three to be precise, the next one was waiting for me as I turned over one of my rotating compost bins…

Perhaps a long horned beetle of some sort?  Check out those front feet.

And finally…

A Squash Vine Borer,

Melittia cucurbitae

found where else, but on one of my squash plants.  The adult squash vine borer are active during the daytime and rest on the leaves in the evening, different from most moths that are active at night.  The borer is a caterpillar as a nymph and a moth as an adult.

The moth is often mistaken for a bee or wasp because of its movements, and the bright orange hindleg scales. The females typically lay their eggs at the base of leaf stalks, and the caterpillars develop and feed inside the stalk, eventually killing the leaf. They soon migrate to the main stem, where they will reap complete havoc on the plant, eventually killing it.

World Exclusive…

A Naboo tribesman has been captured on camera, and you will not believe who captured this never before seen tribal member. On a recent visit to the ESPatch,  Ivette Soler… http://thegerminatrix.com/ took this spectacular photograph, a photograph that will go down in the horticultural historical records as the first ever glimpse of this reclusive, sometimes cannibalistic tribe member.

You have to zoom in on this infamous discovery…I could not believe it myself…a warrior peeking out of the amaranth stems, is that a tribal headdress on the right?

You didn’t really think I was making them up did you?

After all of my moaning about my tomatillo plants, getting huge and just sitting there…doing basically nothing.  Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by this scene today!  It seemed like this happened over night, small lanterns were hanging all over the plants, and there were lots of them, all different sizes.

And to think I almost pulled them out. With the now forming tomatillos has come another curious creature that apparently likes to eat them…

…and quite aesthetically apt for this post title.

This is either the larvae of the Three Lined Lema Beetle, or the Three Lined Potato Beetle, it is really hard to tell unless you can find the eggs and so far I haven’t.

Yes folks, you guessed it, these tiny slugs with their swollen bodies and black heads have an annoying habit of piling their own excrement on their backs…they really do. What an extreme defensive measure (involuntary gag reflex).

Note to self: Must never try mimicking this larvae, no matter how threatened I ever feel.

Other exciting news on the vegetable front:

I have a pole bean, I have a pole bean!

And a few egg plants.

And one or two caterpillars!  Annie, they love your sunflower!…I have never seen such a hairy congregation, any guesses as to what they are?  I did try to pick the brain…

of this dragonfly, but he appeared to have already had his brain removed?  Brrr.

My pokeweed fruit has matured to indigo, the stems turning quickly from green to this crazy pink. It appears the birds have already found them.

And Finally…

I have a new resident in one of my water lilies, sporting a sort of full-face, Hitler-esk mustache.  Some unsuspecting insect is in for a bit of a scare, when alighting on this bloom. Oh yes, this image did make it to my “Looks like” page:

http://www.eastsidepatch.com/visual-comparativies/

Stay Tuned for:

“On the Chain Gang”

All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Don’t panic, I have not buried anybody in my back garden. It is traditional that a deceased Naboo tribesman (right) is buried alongside all his tribal paraphernalia (left).

Have I not communicated that the Naboo are certifiable hoarders?

I am not trying to be morbid, but when I see an entryway planter to a restaurant looking like this…

I can feel the life-force drain out of me – what is this? (Apart from depressing).  A crypt with bits of a broken crypt scattered on top of it?

“Be strong Luke Strip-Mall-Walker”.

(whispers)…”I like the planter Sookie”…(whispers) “Me too Bill”.

All that is lacking here is an epitaph etched into the anemic concrete grave and perhaps a handful of mourners dressed in all-black surrounding it, staring at the floor and sobbing occasionally for dramatic blogging effect!

This cannot be a good first impression for customers walking up to a dining establishment, can it?…But you know what? I am a repeat customer regardless of this planter, in fact, this planter is the main reason I keep returning …I just have to see what is going on in this odd monstrosity!

As a patron, this scene has disturbed me for quite some time. The random selection of pots do move around occasionally, and I must say, this current layout has the concrete planter, seat, whatever, looking better then I have seen it for quite some time!  Oh yes, believe me, it has looked significantly “graver” (coughs), than this in the past.  To see the planting and broken pot shuffling activities in and around this planter, as a short, time-lapse movie would be riveting.  Zzzzzzz.

A few broken pieces of terracotta strewn here and there, a random hodge-podge of pots, (two are amazingly the same…could this be an attempt at repetition)?  Okay that was mean! And a few randomly positioned herbs complete this stark sarcophagus scene.  There must be a friendlier solution to this difficult, no irrigation, covered strip-mall scene?  I thought I would give it a quick go…

A lick of “Photoshop” concrete paint from a virtual paintbrush…dark at the base to visually elevate the structure then brown accents reflecting the door to the establishment make it a little less morbid.  A few small boulders, decorative pea-gravel and a xeric “oasis” planting scheme that is built-up and elevated toward the center, makes the structure and planting look a little more “intentional” and less flat.  A larger rustic planter in the background replaces the existing undersized one for a little more presence.

It is still a very, very odd structure, but at least it could be a visually warmer, more inviting one!

Talking of “Oasis” It is amazing what is going on up there:

Flying quickly back to the Patch:

A very trusting Neon Skimmer posed for me like a poorly waxed runway model this afternoon…are those tiny whitened teeth?  Brrr!

Libellula croceipennis

The surface of each eyeball is faceted with up to 30,000 individual ‘eyes’ called ommatidia.  If you zoom in to the above picture you can see them, (just keep clicking on the image).  These ‘eyes’ combine a surface lens with an internal cone-shaped crystalline lens which feed information and data to the tiny brain of the insect. This gives dragonflies multi-image vision and super-sensitive motion detection – moving objects pass from the view of one of the tiny lenses to another, making them practically impossible to catch.

Dragons possess 6 legs (like any other insect), but they are not capable of walking.  The creature has two sets of many-veined, long, rigid wings which beat alternately (when one is up the other is down).  This gives it excellent aerodynamic efficiency and precise flight control.

“Oh come on ESP!!!”

The wings beat 1,600 or more times a minute…no wonder they are often found resting on agave spikes!

Against all the odds of catching a dragonfly it has been a popular hunting activity in the Patch since they first appeared this year…

She is determined to prove my “you just can’t catch them” statement wrong…if successful, I would never, ever hear the end of it:  “Well daddy said you couldn’t…blah, blah, blah, blah… (repeat until):

There is one other popular activity I failed to mention, it involves tadpoles, buckets and copious amounts of mosquito spray…

Although it all looks rather uncomfortable, hand-catching tadpoles keeps her quiet for at least an hour.

Talking of net hunting, this Pride of Barbados really pulls in the butterflies, particularly the swallowtails, when it is in full bloom at this time of year.

Moving on…

Looking like striped sea-side rock or candy canes, (if you are American), the variegation on this Bambusa multiplex ‘Alphonse Karr Bamboo’ is quite something.  I have a bunch of new culms shooting up right now.  Each new segment on the same culm offers a completely new and uniquely striped design and color scheme.  This clumping bamboo makes an excellent privacy screen, getting up to about 15ft in height and remaining quite compact in its habit.  Interestingly, it also did better then my giant timber, Buddha’s belly and my Mexican weeping and black bamboos through our harsh winter.  The giant timber was hit the worst, especially this one, sadly my oldest one:

I am still in denial about it…I know I should cut these culms down, it is like I just cannot admit to myself that they are DEAD…DEAD,DEAD,DEAD! Perhaps thinking what I can use these culms for, might push me into getting my hook-saw out of my shed?  Perhaps an enormous bamboo chair? (These culms are each about 40 feet tall after all) or…

…how about a new water-wheel to harness all the rain that has been flowing down my decomposed granite pathways recently?  Mmm, could be a bit tasking for a complete novice?  I probably have just enough bamboo to construct a new Patch structure, a bit smaller then the one on the right naturally…wait, I have it!  Why had I not thought of this?

A Tiki-hut!

Not having ever built anything with bamboo before, and like my garden bench, http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2010/04/garden-benches/ there will naturally be no construction plans in sight.  This promises to be a somewhat interesting endeavor that has all the hallmarks of a potential future Darwin award, an award I am no stranger to: http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2008/05/wind-chimes-and-my-post-oak-a-darwin-award-nominee/

Even more disturbing then my dead bamboo…you guessed it:

Cactus Man “junior” apparently has a lazy right eye! I fear this could this be the result of in-breeding?

I still cannot believe that this opuntia paddle is:

a) Growing in almost the identical position and orientation as and where I murdered the original “Cactus Man”‘ RIP (along with his family and friends) with my naive face carving exploits: http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2009/10/halloween-2009/ Could he be reanimating himself to reap his revenge?

And…

b) This is the only paddle to develop these very animated eyes with absolutely no “help” from me this time whatsoever, this has to be a good thing…It is HIM I tell you!

Finally…

Lily Pads have officially taken over my pond!

Can somebody please tell me what this is?

I believe this is a weed, but I quite like it, well, at least enough to allow it (perhaps foolishly) to grow to maturity (about three feet). It has a very distinctive waxy, smooth stem, but those seed-pods are now beginning to concern me! …anybody?

The ESPatch putting another bright Moi Grande bloom in her lapel.

Everything is enjoying these frequent summer soakings.

Stay Tuned for:

“Kate Bush – Withering Sights”

All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

“Oh come on ESP…a REAL grasshopper”?

“That’s right ‘Hopper’, and I can pull that CAD face too, look!  Oh, and if you bully those ants one more time”?

I caught the real thing lurking in the subterranean environment deep inside one of my large agaves. Is he squinting his beady eye at me?

This character jumped onto one of my decomposed granite walkways, this shot highlights his camouflage capabilities:

A master of disguise! I tried and tried to get the red flashing on his legs, his most distinguished feature, but to no avail.

These blue fingers allow no escape, can you guess who they belong to?

“Stay away from the fingers, don’t go into the fingers”.

Interesting how the color gradates through the lily…there, I told you.

Madame Ganna Walska, Nymphaea x, tropical water lily. I thought I would post these pictures as the plant is about to go dormant, it’s growth has slowed considerably, it’s flowers getting smaller. It is a matter of time now before the plant starts to shrink back into my ponds murky depths for the winter. It has served the patch well, albeit if a tad aggressively since the spring.

Staying on a similar color scheme…

Fall Aster is living up to it’s name and dominating the areas I have it planted with its cheerful blooms.

I like the Artemisia and fall aster combination, silver and pale purples always work well for the “Patch Palette”.

Here are the “Powis Castle” hills in the distance, I need a couple more asters dispersed in the artemisia to really make this scene work. See the little green succulent to the lower right?

This plant has now earned my full respect, breezing through our drought with no additional water, The patch has a couple of these vibrant plants, I want more. This is…

Limón talinum

…and it houses thousands of garden jewels that resemble a chemistry model. The plant is native to the West Indies and Central America and has common names of Fameflower and Jewels-of-Opar.  Knowing that a plant has a common name synonymous with a mythical ancient city full of riches should offer a clue that someone thought very highly of this plant at some point in time. This plant made it through last winters mild conditions, I have my fingers crossed for this year.

If you are a  fan of Tarzan, then there is a distinct possibility that you have heard the Jewels-of-Opar name before. Edgar Rice Burroughs mentioned the forgotten city of Opar in 1913 in his second Tarzan book, The Return of Tarzan, and then in 1916, he wrote Tarzan and the Jewels-of-Opar.

Opar is located deep in the jungles of Africa . Portrayed as a lost colony of Atlantis in which incredible riches have been stockpiled down through the ages, the city’s population exhibits sexual dimorphism caused by a combination of excessive inbreeding, cross-breeding with apes, and selective culling of offspring. Consequently, female Oparians are physically perfect, while male Oparians are beast-like brutes.

“MMUUSSTT GET MOORREE OF THIS PLAAANNNTT”

The ruler and high priestess of the city is Queen La, who on her first encounter with Tarzan falls in love with him, and subsequently carries a tikki-torch for him. Tarzan, already committed to Jane, naturally, spurns her advances with the most likely phrase “Me Tarzan, you not Jane”, thus endangering his own life, as the religion of Opar condones human sacrifice…poor Tarzan.

More purples…

Another purple taking center stage at the moment is the Mexican Bush Sage. The plant has taken a bit of a beating with all the Texas rains we have been having and it is flopping here and there, with a bit of dryer weather it should perk up, I hope.

This plant is full of life right now in the patch, bees, sphinx moths (too elusive to capture as yet) hover flies, anoles – you name it, it is on it. I have a fair amount of this plant, I love it’s naturalistic, free-for-all aesthetic, and who can resist the fuzz?

Here is some more Bush Sage planted in my front garden.

Another purple just now coming into the limelight, and one of my all-time favorites is Amaranth. This plant exists all over the patch and like the Mexican Bush Sage, it is a creature and insect magnet, and it will remain so for quite some time. Insects swarm this plant. I gather the seeds and distribute every year then allow the plants in the more “appropriate positions” to reach maturity.

There were three Gray Hairstreaks hanging around on the freshly emerged purple seed-heads.

Strymon melinus

as well as a multitude of other insects.

This line of amaranth lining one of the patch’s central paths, sprung up to great heights while we were on our trip to Scotland, it amazes me just how fast this plant grows with a little bit of moisture.  This must have grown about three feet in less than the same weeks.

This prostrate rosemary also has it’s fair share of the insect population, the bees are going wild over the blooms. It looks like it is covered in snow right now, it has so many blooms. Behind it is my small satsuma tree completely full with fruit.
This next shot or two I need your help with…I believe we have some new “little people”, smaller than the Naboos, much, much smaller, living in the Patch.

At first I thought these little Pixie Hollow baskets full of metallic rounded pebbles must have something to do with some tribal Naboo ritual or offering to the Gods, but the tribal member in charge of tribal relations,  communicated via a series of elaborate mouth clicks that these had nothing to do with their tribe. Although this simple communication between us was brief, it took the best part of an afternoon. I was now even more confused.

Where had they come from?  What will these seeds grow into?

I have checked all the adjacent plants but none of them develop seeds like this. Does anyone have any ideas what these are?  (Apart from the obvious fact these baskets were manufactured by fairies in Pixie Hollow that is).  Can you tell I have watched “A Bugs Life” and “Tinkerbell” 14.25 times (each)?

Here is a wider view of the area, there are loads of these rustic baskets.

I must say with the damp soil conditions, it has been perfect conditions for a pride of pixie’s to move in.

These were particularly colorful toadstools.

Moving on…

The emerging interlocking blood-stained jaws of this agave always demand respect.

Is that spinach?

All my purple heart is now blooming after the rains, and this tiny, super-shiny

Syrphid Hoverfly

wasted no time at all getting stuck into the egg-yolk goodness.

Here is another trying to stare the camera lens out,  The wings on these little flies are spectacular in their iridescence. They look like cartoon flies.

“Bzzzzz…Utter nonsense ESP”.

Golden thryrallis

has been blooming steadily throughout the summer with only the minimal amount of supplemental water.  A great deep shade plant for a splash of golden color. I have two of these planted under my large Post Oak.

And finally…

And behind the mistflower, looking like an old-fashioned Victorian Christmas tree,  the most enormous ornamental pepper I have ever grown. This is one plant, and it is going to look great when all the individual peppers turn their many colors.

Fish petting area in the patch. My youngest cups the goldfish in his hands, I fear for them knowing that a toddler “squeeze” may be on the horizon for one poor fish, even though I keep drumming it into him to be gentle.  He spends hours gazing and throwing things in this pond, you can see toy tractors, pans, cars etc, it looks like a wrecking yard on a clear-water day. The rock on the right has turned into his “pond perch,” he straddles it like Tom Sawyer while he whiles away many an hour in the Patch, tickling and naming the individual fish in his own two-year-old vernacular.

Stay Tuned for:

“Panic in the Patch”

All material © 2009 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by  late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.