…and they’re off!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a fantastic turn out today to witness this, the second annual ESPill-bug derby, broadcast live via morning glory satellite.

Lord Kumo was chauffeured in earlier today in customary fashion,

and was to be seated in his usual “Royal” stinky box seat...

…only to find that it had already been occupied.

Garnet is off to an early lead and setting a punishing (running for her life) pace.

“Go Garnet…go Garnet (clapping)”

Clearing out a pile of decaying leaves recently I exposed a bunch of roly polies that were quickly snapped up by dirty nimble fingers.  A few minutes later they all had names; Ruby, Chirp, Garnet, Peep and Quack, nice names for some terrestrial crustaceans…snort.

I continued to listen to their exploits as I raked.  I witnessed the gut-wrenching tragedy of Chirp rolling himself up and disappearing between the cracks in the picnic table (I kept raking) and the simultaneous elation at Garnet having crawled over the finish line to win the derby and her freedom from small fingered tyranny.

“Ach, and I thought I had it bad, poor wee beasties.”

After a significant “Chirp-hunt” under the table, and a number of mosquito bites later the search was called off.

It was Ruby, Peep and Quack that I felt sorry for.

Brrr.

Moving along:

My feather grasses are now entering

this rather annoying phase. I am steadily accumulating a huge pile of these filament ladened socks on my back porch.

With the skies opening up and delivering some well needed rain in Central Texas this week, plants

and toadstools have gone into overdrive.

Sedum reflexum ‘Blue Spruce’,

I said Blue Spruce,

wasted no time absorbing the moisture, a very aquatic looking succulent.

As did this Bauhinia corymbosa vine, great for adding depth and a layered look.

Burgundy canna lily…plant it in a large container, cover drainage hole with duct tape and watch it grow and smolder.

It works great paired with giant King Tut papyrus.

It is like the Blitz in this tank that houses the smaller dwarf papyrus variety.

Moving Along:

Spending time on my front porch right now conjures up disturbing memories of  “The Ruins”.

This red passion vine is clawing its way toward my front door at about a foot a day.

Who said there was a lack of flowers in the Patch…

Finally…

My front (almost as high a maintenance as the Botox Lady) vitex is now in full bloom,

Sago palm.

I always like the new growth on sago palms…before the leaves get lodged in there and mess it all up.

Stay Tuned for:

.

“Jack and the Sotolstalk”

All material © 2012 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

 Inspirational image of the week:

I will go ahead and get the “nasty bit” out of the way right off the bat. Actually there may be a couple more in this post, depending on your disposition.

This first “eww” came to my attention some months back when one of my now extremely “in-bred” goldfish in my stock tank started to “put on weight”. I remember thinking that this was rather odd as it was not the right time of the year for them to be having babies. Then the rapid weight gain became more concentrated on one side of it’s body…I knew something had to be wrong with it.

I saw it again recently and well…

…I knew it wasn’t long for this world. A week or two later I was clearing out some water lilies that had enveloped the entire pond as they do this time of year, and I happened to have a flash thought about the little bloated fish, how he was doing, if he had somehow managed to deflate himself.

As if on cue, lurking under the lily pad that I was currently pulling on, out rolled Mr Creosote with impeccable timing in, I swear, slow motion right over the back of my hand, very inconsiderate.

At this point I made my customary freaked out noise, which is somewhat a cross between the strained sound you make in a dream when you cannot seem to escape whatever it is chasing you, and strangely a giggling five year-old girl.

This particular incident also included a notable cross-legging side-stepping swagger away from the direction of the tank and the offending fish.

After my heart rate slowed, I decided that Mr Creosote should receive a decent burial.

I walked to the shed for my shovel, and caught myself thinking about where in the Patch the soil quality required some improvement…his final resting place to be, or so I thought.

I quickly dug him a shallow grave and went about my business albeit a little more cautiously in and around the pond.

The following day we were all hanging out on our back porch when the air got thick with the most ungodly smell (oh yes), it was the sort of smell that had us all instantly looking at each other, wide eyed, in a sort of desperate – you have to figure out where this is coming from and take care of it immediately sensibility.

We did not have to look far…

He had resurrected Mr Creosote and must have been rolling around on him, lodging him up into his collar.

Bad, stinky Kumo! 

Kumo, among many other creatures and birds, has also been tucking into the now very ripe / rotting loquats. I keep finding the seeds that he has carefully nibbled and discarded in neat piles everywhere. And here was me thinking they were a Naboo god-offering.

Jeff, your eyes are bigger then your belly!

“Yes, yes…they are ESP! I just can’t stop myself”

“Shomeone…shave him from himshelf.”

Lots happening this week in the ESPatch.

I have witnessed fights in the feather grasses, even

feathers in the feather grasses.

My mature sotol is growing a spear…

…“Ach, is that what yer callin’ it ESP, look at it mun, its no even twice the length of a mun!”

Enough William.

Must not look at the sticker…must not look at the sticker…you are looking at the sticker aren’t you?

The Battle continues:

“On this day the 25th of April, 2012, I report that the battle between the dwarf papyrus and the horsetail reed is holding fast. The pairing appears to be at a stalemate, at least for the time being. I fear for our safety with the ever increasing threat from the Persian ivy front, it is now constantly threatening our borders and appears to be deeply dug in, no doubt lying in wait to flank the opposing artemesia.”

This area is going to be redesigned as a Patch Tikki bar in the not too distant future and this stock tank may very well have to be moved, an event that I am not by any means looking forward to. More on this potential Darwin award later.

Moving on, and away from the Patch to a client’s house for a moment.

I was in the process of taking out a dead tree (as you do), when I saw a rather “unnatural” stick clinging onto the side of a limestone boulder.

This is

Megaphasma dentricus

or as it is more commonly known, the walking stick, it is one of the largest insects in our area. Female giant walking sticks can be as long as 6 inches and this one was all of that. Walking sticks spend their lives up in oak trees eating leaves and are generally only seen on the ground if they have fallen out of one.

It is the longest insect in the United States and, taking the above shot, my hand was positioned directly below it.

If it had dropped, I would have required some serious counseling for a very long time. 

Slow-moving and defenseless creatures, they rely on their incredible camouflage to avoid predators.

Brrr. 

I coaxed her onto another (real stick) and placed the creature into the safety of some nearby shrubs.

Some other notable insects in the Patch of late:

An eight spotted forester moth in a variegated pittosporum,

and this rather Wile E. Coyote looking villain skulking on the stem of this sunflower.  This is a Lucerne moth.

Nomophila nearctica

Lots and lots of these Bilobed Loopers, they have been very common across Texas this Spring but really hard to photograph…they hardly ever keep still.

Red Admirals also are showing up in large numbers.

Vanessa atalanta

And to wrap things up on the insect front: a Little Yellow (Pyrisitia lisa) on milkweed.

Larkspur has put on a mighty fine display this year,

along with the white-water rapids of artemesia,

here it is flowing past a couple of copper canyon daisies to heat up the scene and some Mexican feather grass for movement.

The blowing of the datura trumpet signaled that it was once again time for our annual school Daddy – Daughter dance

 I had fun miss p. and I promise I will try the limbo dancing next year.

pinocchio urban art by OakOak

Stay Tuned for:

“They’re under Starters Orders…”

All material © 2012 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Coming soon to a theater near you:

Remember this…

What I thought was a living sand dollar, actually turned out to be a….

a sea biscuit!

An ocean sea biscuit that is.

I realized my mistake when I was perusing these shells in a knick-knack / antiques shop in Apalachicola, on my way home from Florida.

Clipiaster Riticulatus

Sea biscuits are puffy on top and concave underneath whereas sand dollars tend to be smaller and flatter.

I need to back up a little.

My time in Florida had come to an end.

I met up with my family at Ft Lauderdale airport…“Oh don’t you even think about hopping on that carrousel!”

We had a couple of days of recreation in front of us before embarking on the drive back to Texas.

We decided to visit the Miami Seaquarium where the original Flipper show was filmed.

“Flipper?”

Imaginations ran wild observing the dolphins roaming around in their aquarium.

Eyes grew even wider when the star of the show Lolita, an even larger dolphin (Orcinus orca) started soaking the crowd. Lolita was captured in 1970 from the Puget Sound waters and has been performing at the Miami Seaqurium for more than 40 years.

I know they are well looked after, and that some of these creatures are held in captivity because of unfortunate circumstances, but still I struggle with the performing aspect and their confines. In the wild these creatures travel 100 miles in a day.

“NOO!”

It was a true Levwold experience.

One final trip to the beach,

for a snorkel,

a sandcastle, and another

 sea-shell hunt.

The hunt was somewhat abbreviated after discovering this rather disturbing creature burrowing into the sand… Brrr.

This roachy-crabby-rollypoly creature is commonly called a sand flea, they are otherwise known as mole crabs.

Emerita talpoidea

They are very common and apparently make for great fishing bait.

“Mine, mine, mine, mine”.

After an equally abbreviated sleep, (it was a 3.am rise), we hit the toll-road doing 95, “let them truckers roll, 10.4″ and kept up the pace for a good three hours, “making time” through a good portion of Florida…

Like these baby feather grasses and chickweed. It is a good job I have a couple of hundred small pots on hand, I think I am going to need them.

I had missed the poppies,

but there was still plenty of color to greet me in the front of the Patch.

This red passion flower,

.

and spent some significant zen-time preparing.

It took us long enough to shrivel and stain fingers, and based on these sticky seeds, it looks like I will have lots and lots of small loquat trees in my future. The fruit made great margaritas, thanks Cheryl over there at the  Conscious Gardening

Finally:

I do not recall my artemesia looking so healthy,

and this Persian ivy requires some immediate training.

Home sweet home.

Stay Tuned for:

“Exploding Goldfish!”

All material © 2012 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Bewilderment by Benson Kua

I recently visited the infamous Fairchild tropical botanical garden in Coral Gables, Florida, adorning completely inappropriate flip flops and shockingly long toenails. 

I only became aware of my rather hostile toenail situation when I had a little time to kill before hopping onto the tour cart that was to ferry myself and some other visitors around the garden’s grounds. I am not an unhygienic person but cutting my toenails requires some thoughtful planning, soaking, a few makeshift medieval implements and some pairs of industrial goggles for everybody’s safety in the local vicinity.  It was an ordeal that apparently, of late, I had regretfully neglected.

In an attempt to hide my enhanced talons I dashed (as best as I could) to the very end row of the last carriage and immediately stretched my legs out, subtly hiding my Nosferatoes underneath the seats in front of me.

I even offered up a fake stretch just to render more credence to my lounging actions…we were almost off, but not before a spot of history:

Fairchild was founded in 1936 and gets its name from one of the most famous plant explorers in history, David Fairchild (1869-1954). David was an American writer, botanist and plant explorer who introduced more than 20,000 exotic plants and varieties of established crops into the United States. Dr. Fairchild retired to Miami in 1935 and three years later, the Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden opened its 83 acres to the public for the first time.

The garden featured colorful sculptures by artist Will Ryman, this installation is called ICON, and it is constructed from fiberglass, stainless steel and colored with marine paint. His work was scattered all around the gardens.

Just before the tour cart set off, I took full advantage of a short delay as some tourists shuffled around playing musical chairs. I totally related to their psychological plight after having countless ordeals myself with my family when faced with the formidable and apparently daunting phenomena of the ubiquitous empty restaurant table.

I jumped off the train and quickly captured this…

…a massive Rainbow Eucalyptus tree,

Eucalyptus deglupta

Most Eucalyptus trees are native to Australia, this one originates from Papua New Guinea and the colors were really something.

The bark peels off layer by layer, the olive surface inside the tree gradually turns blue then purple then and finally brick red as it is exposed to air,

giving it a very painted Edvard Munch quality. It reminded me of the winter skies on those paint-by-number kits I used to do when I was young. (Snort)

Edvard Munch, The Scream, 1893

After the guided tour, I went off on a flip-flop-footed adventure of my own. In no time I was passing all manner of new and interesting forms.

Like the female cones of this Encephalaetos Ferox cycad from South Africa,

here is another one dropping its large crimson colored glossy seeds.

The large colorful blooms on this Brownea or handkerchief tree (so called because the drooping tassels of its young leaves resemble limp handkerchiefs). Brownea trees grow well in gardens all over southern Florida and are hummingbird magnets, naturally.

The question is…can it really beat frost-bitten hoja santa in the soiled handkerchief looking department?

…surely (s)not (ahem)!

I passed through large rain forests,

with secluded water groves.

The rainforest area housed lots of epiphyte orchids and exotic coral-like blooms and fruit,

from the likes of this Cannonball Tree.

At night the flowers become particularly pungent to attract swift flying pollinators.

When the tree’s cannonballs clash in the wind they sound like artillery fire.

“Oh come on Sid”!

When the fruit falls (hopefully well away from anyone’s noggin…they do kill) and cracks open, it emits a rather foul stench.  Passing animals whiff the aroma, eat the fruit and pass the seeds through their digestive system, you know how that all goes.

Massive palm fronds…and tiny anoles were also abundant.

Fairchild garden is a must-stop,

especially if you like cycads and palms, (I am now really coveting the gunmetal Bismark Palm).

Bismarckia nobilis

The genus is named for the first chancellor of the German Empire, Otto von Bismarck, and not for the color of the warship as I had assumed.

When I saw the palm paired with a mass-planting of purple heart around its base, I was immediately sold. Now why did I not take that picture?

More exotics…

this bat flower,

Tacca chantrieri

was one of the more flamboyant, as was this incredible glass sculpture by Dale Chihuly.

End of the Day Tower, 2005

Now THAT is a bottle-tree!

I will leave you with this life-sized sculpture of Majory Stoneman Douglas, one of America’s greatest conservationists. The existence of the Everglades National Park is largely due to her efforts.

Douglas lived until age 108, working until nearly the end of her life for Everglades restoration.

I walked around Fairchild for about four hours straight and covered numerous miles. I witnessed an alligator lounging at the side of one of the remote walkways and had a large, and I do mean large, lizard scare me into a ridiculous Ministry-of-Silly-Walks stumble out of the Madagascar garden and into the full sight of the people on the next tour cart.

Some of them waved at me nervously as they passed, my disheveled appearance affording the look of a potential tourist-cart highwayman, I am sure.  My flip-flopped feet hurt, I was dripping with sweat, but at least my Nosferatoe nails had significantly diminished in size, I assume to abrasion…it was time to go home.

Stay Tuned for:

“I Sand Corrected”

All material © 2012 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.