December 2010

“Android Assassins”

“Golden brown texture like sun
Lays me down with my mind she runs
Throughout the night
No need to fight
Never a frown with golden brown”

Japanese maple, cattail, inland sea oats and Mexican fire bush.

The song holds up a lot better than the 80’s video, naturally, though part of it does make me reminisce about summer iced turbans.

Never a frown from me either!

The golden browns emitted from these inland sea oats at this time of the year is quite something, this plant just keeps on going, it looks fresh in the spring and just keeps looking better into it’s autumn and winter years.

Chasmanthium latifolium


Chasmanthium latifolium or Uniola latifolia has many names including Nothern Sea Oats, Inland Sea Oats, River Oats, Creek Oats, Wild Oats, Indian Woodoats, Broadleaf uniola, Broadleaf sea-oats and broadleaf spike grass.  This showy perennial is one of the first native grasses used for landscaping purposes.  This great ornamental grass grows in shade or sun, though it prefers partial to full shade, hence the name Woodoats.  It is tolerant of all soil types, mine grow well under the fringe cover of my large post oak.

I have a small dedicated bed for this plant but I have never found it difficult to control, if it pops up somewhere it shouldn’t, it is quite easy to pop the offspring out of the ground.  If you have a west facing garden this plant will supply plenty of light smoldering and movement throughout the winter months…a must have ornamental grass.

The seeds of this grass, when mixed with pond water “stock”, a little rosemary for flavor, and some datura seeds have also been made into countless winter “stews” that should it be devoured,

imparts a profound effect on the diner.

This poor little anole ingested a little too much of the lethal stew.

Yet another Pompeii victim found Patch petrified.

Moving on…

I followed this butterfly around way longer than a rational person probably should, but I was determined to get a shot in.  This butterfly was extremely small as you can see from the size of the decomposed granite it alighted on.

Dainty Sulphur (Nathalis iole)


or Dwarf Yellow.  It finally landed on this rosemary where it stayed still long enough to get a couple of shots in. These butterflies are present year round in peninsular Florida and South Texas.  After overwintering as adults in the South, some migrate north in spring and summer, every summer they re-colonizes through the Great Plains to southeast Washington, southeast Idaho, Wyoming, and Minnesota.

Intruder Alert…Intruder Aler…

I had a mechanical looking assassin perpetrate the perimeter defenses of the Patch this week…

I naturally called on the services of my resident private eye to investigate the breach further…Like Dr. Watson, he was right on the case with his discerning right eye!

“He needs the abrasive silica qualities of horsetail reed to improve the optical resolution of that lens!”

There are some mighty strange insects in Texas, and this mechanical looking cannibalistic bug has to rank high up on the list.  This is off course an assassin bug, or to be more precise, a wheel bug. Its name derives from the prominent crest, which resembles a cog or gear. This is the only insect species in the United States with such a crest.


Arilus cristatus


It is the largest species of assassin bug in Texas, and this one was a monster.  Okay granted, it was lying dead on my back porch steps casting a long film noir shadow, but it was still a large and very formidable bug. The assassin bug slowly prowls with slow, and almost robotic movements across leaves looking for a victim to drain, and I have no shortage of leaves as you know…

I really don’t want to talk about it.

When it finds a suitable meal, it spears it with its long and very sharp hypodermic beak, whilst pinning down its victim with its long front legs. It then injects enzymes through this beak, paralyzing it, within 30 seconds its preys internal body parts essentially turn into runny porridge, it then proceeds to drain all of the victim’s bodily fluids through the same straw beak.  Brrr.

“Yes…yes…draining…beak”

Oh stop it Jeff!

The wheel bug can be more than 3.5 centimeters (1.4 inches) long, and its perfectly capable of taking on a bigger grasshopper.

There are nearly 3,000 species of assassin bugs. While they come in a wide variety of colors and sizes, they all are recognizable by their geometrically shaped abdomen, their tiny head and the long beak folded under their thorax. Because assassin bugs consume so many insects, they are widely viewed as beneficial insects and can keep your garden and your shrubs free of pests.

The bite of a wheel bug is painful and may take months to heal (sometimes leaving a small scar), so caution is advised when handling them…after all, who wants a mechanical looking bug sucking out your internals through a straw-beak, oh no, not me.

Back into the garden:

This has to be the largest Fatsia Japonica bloom I have ever had, and the flies have already found it even though it has not yet fully opened up.  This will be a mass of insects when the flowers fully open.

Although it is attracting them quite well already.

Celosia continues to perform, appropriately adding some fire and brimstone to my extremely parched Hell-Strip.

Finally:

These agave parryi kept me on my toes as I attempted to extract yet more leaves that always insist on burying themselves deep into this plants lethally protected heart. I am not sure why I think I will never get flesh punctured performing this sort of picking activity without gloves.



Kindergarten’s out for Christmas!

Stay Tuned  for:

“I Caught a Live One!”


All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.


“The Golden Ticket”

The anticipation of Christmas has definitely mounted this week in the Patch, our tree was once again pulled out of my garden shed and plugged in – (I love trees that are already pre-wired with lights…thanks China!).  Small hands eagerly grappled with shiny ornaments tucked tight in dusty boxes.  These nimble fingers made fast work out of decorating the tree to the point that it is now more reminiscent of an ornament than an actual tree. I was really happy that all the decorations were okay this year though, as I am every year since the rat incident of 2006, but I refuse to talk about that particularly “troubled time”.

To further the premature Christmas excitement, these eagerly awaited advent calendars arrived in the post from my parents in Scotland. Each December day has a small serrated window housing a chocolate and some small festive pictures, these calenders amazingly arrived exactly on the first day of December…the first boxes were immediately opened and the chocolates devoured in seconds, my youngest  then proceeded to have a complete meltdown, grappling with the whole concept of only one-a-day restraint.  He had apparently turned into Augustus Gloop.

A couple of days later I found a contraption with a blanket crudely strewn over it, in the corner of his room…

…he had secretly fabricated a rudimentary time machine, and according to his advent calendar, successfully transported himself five days ahead into the future, apparently eating the small chocolate treats steadily as he pushed the time-forward lever with his non-sticky hand. Naturally I destroyed the contraption in true Luddite fashion and the calender is now brought down on a daily basis from a very high place, although I am convinced he is planning something…I found these conceptual sketches yesterday hidden inside a “levitate in a day” book under his bed…

Moving on…

The new “don’t pick up the leaves until they have totally finished dropping” policy in the Patch is really stretching my patience to its limits!

“Hold…Hold…Hold…”

I want so badly to clean it all up. I am wading through leaves waste deep at this point, and I have lost my son so many times of late that I now attach a line of garden twine around his waist every time he goes out to play, a slightly inhibiting aggravation on his part, but a necessity. I refuse to lose him, and I am well aware that the Naboo are food deprived at this time of the year, if you catch my cannibalistic aversive drift.

I am not sure how much longer I can hold out with this new Patch clean-up policy?

“Ach! Typical! I canna bulieve ye would just gi-up mun…Ye canna…”

Oh Shut your pie-hole William.

The blue white hue on the margin of this agave is looking very frosty at the moment.

And etched into the side of the same agave – a ring wraith!

Some type of borer?

“Frodo you have to get the ring out of the Patch, the black riders are close”

Although the yard is knee-deep in decaying brown leaves and pecan nuts, I am taking some colorful solace in a few hotties still gracing these cold days and colder nights: It is the age of the pinks! (okay, enough Middle-Earth references for one post!)






Although a little disheveled looking this stock tank of King Tut papyrus with the now bright pink celosia around the perimeter is like a crackling fire (of Mordor) on these cool crisp days. The celosia colors have now transcended into the unreal, the psychedelic.  No color correction or saturation enhancement required on these photographs.

Ice plants always respond to the crisper cold weather conditions with their almost fake looking blooms, I am still trying to determine if I even like this plant aesthetically. It is an anomaly to me, should I like it?  Well it does bloom when blooms are stark, it does spread fast, but the question remains, do I really like it?  I cannot seem to decide.

The moisture in this photograph is naturally not natural, oh no, we have had no rain in Central Texas for quite some time – when DID we last have any substantial rain?

As a result, this is a common sight right now…

Plants are stressing like it is summer!  Cooler weather yes, but so little moisture, and winds drying things out even more.  I am watering my containers a lot more then I should be at this time of year, I caught this parched golden bamboo barely in the nick of time. My in-ground weeping bamboos have also felt the dry-pinch, requiring additional water to pull them through…it is December!

More pinks are emerging from my shrimp plants which are incredibly leggy this year.

And this…

“Queen Elizabeth”

Sedum spurium


or Dragon’s Blood Stonecrop is in her colorful prime – flushing dark red as the year draws to an end.

“Much better than that potato that other chappy brought me ESP!”

Finally…

My butterfly vine continues to amaze me with these bronze butterfly seeds.

Oh, and just in case you thought that you had escaped the Patch without something tickling your gag valve this week,

“I cannot look”…

you are naturally incorrect…

Yes folks those are eggs, I do not care to find out what horror is transpiring in this bucket grabbing scene.

On that wretched note I will leave you with a few more refreshing things I have meandered upon in the course of writing this post:

Inspirational images of the week:

Living Ornaments:

“Forest Floor” glass ornament created by San Francisco designer Flora Grubb. Lichens, moss, feathers and seeds cushion a living Tillandsia air plant inside a tiny glass ball.

And here are some unique gardening utensils from Cal Lane…but the decomposed granite would fall right on through!

Eyebrows would be raised if I turned up to an installation and pulled this wheelbarrow down from my trusty steed!

Okay just one more

Anarchy In The UK?

Stay Tuned  for:

Android Assassins


All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late  (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

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