Gross Things

“The Funeral Pyre”

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DIE…DIE…DIE!

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But it looks okay, you may say.

Behind this particularly flattering image of this vitex tree in my front garden lies years of hacking, snipping, swearing and regrowing.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like vitex, it is a great pollinator magnet when in bloom, and I don’t think it should be on the invasive list here in Central Texas, but this one got off to a bad start and then just kept getting badder.

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Pruning the branches to stop it grating on the roof of my house for the last decade only encouraged more to grow.

I had had enough.

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“You hear that Mr. Vitex Tree?… That is the sound of inevitability… It is the sound of your death… Goodbye, Mr. Vitex Tree…”

Of course we all know what Neo did next.

I was determined this tree was not going to spring back up,

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so I built a rather large fire on top of the remaining stump.

Everything was going well until I threw on some old lattice pieces I had lying around. I can only think this was coated in the most flammable liquid know to man. It went up with such an intensity that it singed some nearby loquats and attracted the attention of the local authorities as black plumes smoke bellowed to a ridiculous height.

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“Everything okay over there sir?”

“Y,Yes officer…just burning my vitex tree,” – I realized that was too much information as it was being spoken and what was with the guilty shoulder shrug?

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Even in death this tree was causing me anxiety.

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After the fire had gone out I put a small tarp down where the root-ball had been, shimmied a dump truck into my front garden and poured 14 yards of decomposed granite over it…

lets see you come back from that!

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While I was in this ‘lets just take it out’ mood, I also decided to erase this raised brick bed and the small flagstone that has also annoyed me for about as long as the Vitex.

The brickwork did not match anything, the rosemary was long in the tooth and don’t get me started on the Bermuda grass that has become increasingly pervasive in this bed, growing up through the center of the rosemary. Urgh.

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It all had to go, dirt, roots and all.

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With the Vitex, berms and brick planter removed everything felt quieter and the space sooo much larger.

I have no definitive plans for this area as yet but I suspect some very large flagstone and some ‘quieter’ planting arrangements are not too far away.

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Another project in progress is happening at the back of my property.

Like the front, things needed tamed and reworked but it was the demise of my stock-tank pond that really set things in motion.

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I have had this stock-tank for about as long as I have been writing this blog, it has served me well and given my kids a lot of fun growing up.

I knew it was reaching the end of its life as the sludge crept higher and the water got shallower.

How high’s the water, mama?
Two feet less and shrinkin’

I could have cleaned some of the sludge out but some bright-spark thought it would be a good idea to sink a bog cypress tree into the tank all those years ago. It did not take the cypress long before it bust free of its terracotta confines, its roots crawling all the way around the bottom of the tank forming a dense mat.

Think Asiatic jasmine on pond-sludge-steroids. http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2011/11/little-monsters/

A few weeks back I noticed the rust on the inside of the tank was also getting worse, I turned a blind eye.

Then overnight the inevitable happened.

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It wasn’t a pretty sight…

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…and it stank of dead goldfish – a scent that immediately took me back to: http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2012/04/exploding-goldfish/

All together it was not the sort of focal / destination point or ‘lack of’ water feature you want in your back garden…ever.

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The cypress was a beast to get out, 

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but out it came.

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As did the stock-tank.

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Much to the horror of the cactus man who watched with rather too much intensity for my liking as it rolled by him.

He hates change.

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I also had to deal with the remnants of this failed waterfall: http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2008/05/i-used-a-sledge-hammer-on-my-water-feature/

that was all concreted in and sitting on top of some nasty thick plastic.

Oh yes it all had to go.

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I won’t go into the unmentionables that were lying in wait underneath this plastic, but they were numerous.

{Subtle knee murmur}

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The established loquat on top of the mound was dug out and transplanted to the fence line, which is about to get replaced.

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Here is the back area purged awaiting a top dressing of granite and a future spring privacy planting.

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A relocated and expanded fire pit and grill going into the space.

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More on these spaces as they take shape.

 

Stay Tuned For:

“The Magic Carpet

 

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All material © 2017 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

 

“King Richard III”

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One more quick Scottish fling…err?

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Thankfully this one does not involve roaches or any other unmentionables…well, apart from a few King Richards.

http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2011/11/little-monsters/

Devil's Beef Tub“It looks as if four hills were laying their heads together, to shut out daylight from the dark hollow space between them. A damned deep, black, blackguard-looking abyss of a hole it is.” Sir Walter Scott

This deep glacial hollow is called the Devil’s Beef Tub it is located five miles north of the small tourist town of Moffat in the Scottish borders. It is surrounded by four hills; Great Hill, Peat Knowe, Annanhead Hill and Ericstane Hill (which used to be a Roman signal station), the valleys form the headwaters of the River Annan.

The Beef Tub is also known as MacCleran’s Loup after a tumbling highlander. Fleeing the aftermath of the failure of the Jacobite rising of 1745 the soldier decided his only course of action to escape certain death amid a hail of enemy gunfire was to curl up and roll down the hill, that’s right, roll down the hill’

It worked and he escaped but I bet he was a wee bit sore the following morning.

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“Oh yesh, and at a fair rate he mushed have been going ashwell with that incline.”

Did you know EshPatch that dotted acrosh these hills are shmall relic stands of rare mountain plants..and the occasional pocket of ash and hazel woodland – a reminder of landscapes pasht.”

I did not but thank you Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez!

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“Your very welcome EshPatch”

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You can get a sense of the scale of these hills from the sheep in the distance.

If you are visiting the area, mind you don’t step on a King Richard the 3rd, the sheep roam everywhere up here.

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“What!”

DSC00127The landmark’s unusual name is derived from its use as the hiding place for cattle stolen by the notorious Border Reivers, otherwise known as the Johnstone clan, who were commonly referred to by their enemies as ‘devils’.

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“Calm down William I have not forgotten”…

William Wallace is reputed to have used the concealed hollows of the Devil’s Beef Tub for covert gatherings with men from the Border Clans and the Ettrick Forest ahead of his first attack against the English in 1297…and this concludes my final timeline-disjointed history installment from the Scottish borders. Programming will be back to normal next week with a re-run of the popular “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.”

dietrich01Illustration: Christian Wilhelm Ernst Dietrich (1712-74) Sea Storm and Shipwreck

Back up to date in the Patch:

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Ah yes it is that time of year again, lets see if these wolf pumpkins will hold their integrity until Halloween – I really do not want an oozing repeat of last years stinky porch disaster.

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Talking of things stinky…

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…This Stapelia gigantea stinks!

Also known as “Starfish Flower” and “Carrion Flower” the plant looks like a cactus, smells like an abattoir, but actually belongs to the milkweed family.

blowfly Female blowflies, attracted by the stench, deposit their eggs in the corona of the flower and subsequently pick up some pollen to fertilize other stapelia plants…

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…at least that is the cunning plan.

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I hatched a cunning plan of my own this week:

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This pond-side planting bed has been bothering me for quite some time.

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As the Mediterranean palm on the right gets larger (it will eventually get very large):

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the pathway was getting too narrow.

The scene needed more breathing space.

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So much more space!

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All It needs now is a fresh top-coat of granite.

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I will leave you with a few before and after shots of a back garden I recently designed and installed.

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The space lacked definition and structure and the client was open and excited to remove the existing turf that was (contrary to the next shot) struggling due to a lack of sunlight,

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and very poor drainage:

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Here is the design intent superimposed on the same house image:

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The idea was to offer multiple branching flagstone pathways to visually break up the rectangular space, at the same time addressing the drainage issues by raising the grade a couple of inches.

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The flagstone pathways would expand out into a patio area and lead the eye down to a destination, in this case a stock-tank pond.

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In-progress flagstone layout, bed definition and a shiny new stock tank -(label strategically orientated to the rear)- well lets face it, there is no point trying to remove it!

Here is the finished design with fledgling planting scheme:

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A new designated patio area:

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and no more walking out of the back door directly onto mud or dirt:

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The new pond now has fish in it,

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and its first water lily.

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Stay Tuned For:

Victorians Gone Wild”

 

All material © 2014 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

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