With the excitement and anxiety of Santa’s arrival and passing, the interior of the Patch has taken on a very bizarre Blade Runner atmosphere, especially at night, when all is quiet and still.

It is like some mad genetic experiment is now being conducted inside our home. 

“Err, I don’t think you want to touch that one Deckard!”

“Priss…not the nose, please, not the no…”

“I make friends. They’re toys. My friends are toys. I make them. It’s a hobby. I’m a genetic designer”.

The late night journey to bed is no longer for the faint of heart, oh no, there are now numerous engineered “creatures” no doubt manufactured by the evil  “Tyrell Corporation” lying in wait in the shadows to either drop an egg loudly on our stucco tile, howl, scream, chirp, woof, burp, giggle and generally scare me to an early grave. They are also all extremely loud with their brand new Christmas Duracells lining their cybernetic stomachs.

The slightest physical disturbance can also set off a chain reaction between some of these creatures, especially the ones that react to sound, one small chirp or bark can ultimately culminate in a crazy chorus of electronic voices all reacting to each other (the equivalent of waking up the entire house).  When this happens I irrationally and frantically find myself “shushing” them, in a vain attempt to regain order.  This of course just activates even more of their circuits.

These creatures have even forced me to adopt a ridiculous sneaking affliction in an attempt to get into bed without disturbing or touching one of them.  A flashlight is now as necessary a tool as a toothbrush is at bedtime.  I have experimented and light is about the only thing these creatures do not react to, with the exception of the “Follow-me Thomas the Tank Engine”… I deal with him totally separately.

Here is a line up of the motley 2010 Christmas Replicants:

All waiting extremely innocently and patiently until nightfall once again descends on the Patch.

Still, I suppose it could be worse.

Oh yes, needless to say, they both had a great Christmas…

Her first dangly earrings…

and a new all-terrain chopper to carve up my decomposed granite pathways, (thanks M&D).

Moving On:

Back in the garden…80’s last week, freezing this week, classic central Texas weather, and just when I thought it would never rain again, it did, not too much but enough to lift the sad heads on a couple of my loquats.

The Dusty Millers looked even colder than usual…

with the moisture freezing to their furry leaves.

The ice crystals have finally taken care of all my purple hearts, turning them to the consistency of seaweed.

All this damp scene needs is a…

selkie acting all dramatic on one of the moss boulders.

Selkies are creatures found in Faroese, Icelandic, Irish and Scottish mythology, and my daughter is as obsessed with them as she is Ponyo.  Selkies can transform themselves from seals to humans. The legend apparently originated on the Orkney Islands, where selch or selk(ie) is the Scots word for seal.  Selkies are able to change into human form by shedding their seal skins, They often do this to sunbathe upon the rocks, (a rarity in Scotland, sunbathing that is, not rocks).  They can revert to seal form by putting their skin back on.  But if their skins are lost or stolen, they are trapped on land and are forced obey the one who holds their skin.

“Images taken from “The Secret of Roan Inish”

Stories concerning selkies are generally romantic tragedies. If a man steals a female selkie’s skin, she is in his power, to an extent, and she is forced to become his wife. Female selkies are said to make excellent wives, but because their true home is the sea, they will often be seen gazing longingly at the ocean. If a selkie finds her skin again, she will immediately return to her true home, and sometimes to her selkie husband, in the sea.  I have my wife’s selkie skin under tight lock and key, hidden deep inside my garden shed. I occasionally catch her staring deep into my water-filled stock tanks, and I have caught her inhaling deeply over a bottle of undiluted fish emulsion on more than one occasion?

“Hey, you kept talking about skin ESP”!

Brrr!

There is only one plant that looks worse then purple heart after a good freeze…

You guessed it, my “Ho Ho Hoja Santa” is not looking quite so jolly since the frosty nights have kicked in.  These disgusting handkerchiefs are once again blowing proudly on winter breezes.  Another wet handkerchief this week comes courtesy of my elephant ear:

Finally:

“Rock Circles”

Pris Retired

I thought I would leave you with a couple of simple planter platforms that I have just implemented on an install I have been working on. I flattened the ground, loose laid the bricks then dumped decomposed granite on the top.  A few minutes of sweeping the granite around the top with a stiff bristled broom works the granite in between the gaps in the bricks, setting them solid whilst still retaining the ability to easily move them at a future date (I avoid mortar almost as much as Bermuda grass in the landscape).

A future layer of mulch will take the grade up to the same level as the top of the bricks to finish it off…works a treat, and immediately draws attention to a cool planter you may own, would work great with a four of five foot urn, or an invisible fountain.  These two brick circles were added for formality and to visually anchor an otherwise very loose planting scheme, the one on the right will form the base of a future above-ground multi-tiered fountain.

As this post turned out a little more “Blade Runner” than I initially anticipated, I just bet it put you in the nerdy mood to want to leave those little origami unicorns everywhere you go, like Gaff left for Deckard in the movie?  No?

You will find instructions how to construct this noble creature and impress your friends here:

http://cgi.linkclub.or.jp/~null/unicorn/unicorn0.html

Apparently this is considered “intermediate” in the origami world!  Are you kidding me?

Stay Tuned  for:

“Two and Two are Four”

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