Stories

“It Ain’t Half Hot Mum!…ESP On Tour”

ESPatch Aug 8, 2010 14 comments

I woke up this morning in a terribly English fashion, I ate a full English breakfast, (including those sweet Heinz baked beans that most Americans apparently find disgusting)! washed down with a few pints of hot tea, naturally. After a minor heart tremor, it was up to the mirror to tie an iced turban in preparation for what was to be a long hot day, digging outside in the Texas summer heat. I do not want to toot my own turban at this point, but I will, it was a beauty…my best noggin cooling “wrap” to date. You would not believe how many ice-cold gel-packs there are in there, embedded under… my…my… masterpiece!

I must say, I do get a few rather odd looks, bouncing around in my trusty old Dodge Ram that now, devoid of any paint, has taken on a rather “Mad Max” apocalyptic appearance. Based on the wide-eyed reactions I see in other peoples rear-view mirrors, the whole turban-wearing package must be quite intimidating…I must look completely deranged.

I would usually wait to tie the turban, until I got to my destination, but at this time of year, with no AC in my truck, I might as well adorn it before I leave my house, tying it in the relative luxury of a large full-length mirror rather then awkwardly stooping down in one of the side mirrors on my truck, as I usually do.

I have found that people look away sharply if I catch their eye at a stop light, poorly wrapped turbans can be easily mistaken as bandages, giving me a disturbing “frontal lobotomy victim” / Professor Quirrell, “should he be driving?” aesthetic. This iced turban will last me about three and a half hours in full sun, four in partial shade.

This is the reason for my turban today. A further 3 yards (in addition to the previous 15 yards) of decomposed granite was required to finish my design scheme.

This was the front yard that the ESP ground force team was commissioned to reevaluate, design and implement. There was a lack of cohesion and a multitude of linear mediums at play and no clear direction for foot traffic to approach the front door. Most of the lawn was weedy and dying and there were small island planting beds dotted here and there that needed expansion and definition.

This is the rendering of the proposed design scheme, including a paint proposal for the front of house to punch out some curb appeal.

Here is the consolidated hardscaping that offers a more naturalistic flow through the front garden and up to the front door. The Spanish oak will fill in this area when mature.

All the mulched beds and the two small “hills” are prepped and ready for planting in the fall, though I could not help myself, I had to plant two pride of Barbados plants in the front bed, I thought if anything can make it in the heat they can…a bit risky I know. No ESP landscape could be complete without at least one stock tank, you can just see it peeking in far right.

In a neighborhood predominantly dominated by grass lawns, this front garden makes quite a xeric statement. Even at this pre-planted stage I had so many interested comments from passers-by and neighbors as the granite was laid. No more mowing or sprinkling required here!

I know, I know, I really have to stop wittering on about the Pride of Barbados but the foliage…the layering…the ember blooms, the silvery hue…the insects that it attracts…the…have I lost you yet? Zzzzz

While I was admiring these Chinese lion-esque blooms a slight movement caught my attention off to my left, near the poke weed plant that had mysteriously germinated in the Patch…

I ducked down under the plant and was astonished to find myself face-to-face with this small creature who proceeded to inform me he was conducting a doctorate research program on the historical dyeing properties of this plant’s fruit. Obviously totally engrossed in his research and not wanting to disturb him any further, I decided to leave him to his studies…it is amazing who you get to meet in the underbelly of a garden.

“Don’t even start FB!”

Even though we have had quite a lot of rain in Central Texas this year, the consistent 100+ degree temperatures quickly starts to stress out trees and plants that are not covered by soaker hoses, my preferred method of moisture delivery. The sprinkler does create some photo opportunities though, courtesy of my favorite two spiky plants… sotol and a soft leafed yucca.

…the wet-stuff also affords a bit of fun:

Within two minutes of the sprinkler being switched on, I found him face down against the substantial pressure of the jets. At one point he looked like a NASA astronaut in training…

Moving on…

The glazed color and barbed spines on this Gulf Fritillary caterpillar,

Argraulis vanillae

were quite impressive. I wouldn’t want to eat it.

And Finally…

Her first golf lesson from her “Papa”.

Stay Tuned for:

“Haircuts and Sphingids”

All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

“Nose Boulder”

ESPatch Jul 24, 2010 18 comments

“Gross Alert”…”Gross Alert…Condition Red”… Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

The other day we were having a late lunch / early dinner accompanied by our hobbits. We had the usual “musical chairs” kerfuffle as we always do facing the simple, but apparently daunting entity…a rectangular table with four chairs surrounding it! It is like we all have to subliminally agree who sits where like a family of dogs battling to get pole position in the basket. The despair on our twenty-something waiter’s face was tangible, I was him in another life. Once finally settled, the same waiter came back to take our food order, as he approached the table, I noticed him, noticing my youngest, extracting a rather stubborn… (I had no idea mining had prematurely started…it wasn’t scheduled) “nose boulder”, a boulder that, if frosted, would not have looked out of place on the North face of K2, oh yes, it cast a sinister dark shadow over the table on its rather ungainly and secretive birth. My appetite receded.

With the substantial “ore” now presenting itself proudly on his unsanitary stalagmite finger, my wife was on it before I even had chance to move in slow motion toward it, moaning a long drawn-out Hollywood “Nooooooooo!”

As fast as the unmentionable was was smothered by a napkin, a reaction ensued that nobody, including the restaurant kitchen staff, waiters, front of house, could ever of anticipated…we had apparently unleashed the…

with our nasal-prospecting denial…with one final desperate lunge across the table he tried to re-obtain his “precious”, out of nowhere he screamed out…

“Hey!…I was gonna’ eat dat!”

A silence fell over the establishment.

Moving quickly on…

I walked around to my stock tank early this morning, optimistically hoping that perhaps it may have showered during the night. Not yet quite awake, (pre-coffee), I walked up to the tank to take a look.

As I peered inside, this fledgling blue jay erupted with a horrific scream that could have woken the

I was amazed how such a small bird could deliver such a decibel level. I scooped it up into a bucket and quickly released it before it could gather itself and emit the ear bleeding racket once again. The bird’s parents immediately flew into a nearby tree and started to call for it.

After my shattered morning nerves had returned to normal, I wandered to my papyrus stock tank. I had recently added a couple of canna lily transplants and wanted to check in on them.

This worm has a winter tree-lined avenue scene on the side of it, complete with white fluffy clouds.

Canna lilies are mostly pest-free, but like these recent transplants they sometimes fall victim to the Canna Leaf Roller, a particularly disturbing and destructive olive worm. This is the larva of the Brazilian skipper butterfly

Photo by the Massachusetts Butterfly Club

Calpodes ethlius

also known at the Larger Canna Leaf Roller. The worms cut the canna leaves and roll them over to live inside the cozy domicile while pupating and scoffing down on the leaf, and can they scoff! Look at my new cannas!

It has been a week of finding new insects in the Patch, three to be precise, the next one was waiting for me as I turned over one of my rotating compost bins…

Perhaps a long horned beetle of some sort? Check out those front feet.

And finally…

A Squash Vine Borer,

Melittia cucurbitae

found where else, but on one of my squash plants. The adult squash vine borer are active during the daytime and rest on the leaves in the evening, different from most moths that are active at night. The borer is a caterpillar as a nymph and a moth as an adult.

The moth is often mistaken for a bee or wasp because of its movements, and the bright orange hindleg scales. The females typically lay their eggs at the base of leaf stalks, and the caterpillars develop and feed inside the stalk, eventually killing the leaf. They soon migrate to the main stem, where they will reap complete havoc on the plant, eventually killing it.

World Exclusive…

A Naboo tribesman has been captured on camera, and you will not believe who captured this never before seen tribal member. On a recent visit to the ESPatch, Ivette Soler… http://thegerminatrix.com/ took this spectacular photograph, a photograph that will go down in the horticultural historical records as the first ever glimpse of this reclusive, sometimes cannibalistic tribe member.

You have to zoom in on this infamous discovery…I could not believe it myself…a warrior peeking out of the amaranth stems, is that a tribal headdress on the right?

You didn’t really think I was making them up did you?

After all of my moaning about my tomatillo plants, getting huge and just sitting there…doing basically nothing. Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by this scene today! It seemed like this happened over night, small lanterns were hanging all over the plants, and there were lots of them, all different sizes.

And to think I almost pulled them out. With the now forming tomatillos has come another curious creature that apparently likes to eat them…

…and quite aesthetically apt for this post title.

This is either the larvae of the Three Lined Lema Beetle, or the Three Lined Potato Beetle, it is really hard to tell unless you can find the eggs and so far I haven’t.

Yes folks, you guessed it, these tiny slugs with their swollen bodies and black heads have an annoying habit of piling their own excrement on their backs…they really do. What an extreme defensive measure (involuntary gag reflex).

Note to self: Must never try mimicking this larvae, no matter how threatened I ever feel.

Other exciting news on the vegetable front:

I have a pole bean, I have a pole bean!

And a few egg plants.

And one or two caterpillars! Annie, they love your sunflower!…I have never seen such a hairy congregation, any guesses as to what they are? I did try to pick the brain…

of this dragonfly, but he appeared to have already had his brain removed? Brrr.

My pokeweed fruit has matured to indigo, the stems turning quickly from green to this crazy pink. It appears the birds have already found them.

And Finally…

I have a new resident in one of my water lilies, sporting a sort of full-face, Hitler-esk mustache. Some unsuspecting insect is in for a bit of a scare, when alighting on this bloom. Oh yes, this image did make it to my “Looks like” page:

http://www.eastsidepatch.com/visual-comparativies/

Stay Tuned for:

“On the Chain Gang”

All material © 2010 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.