Stories

Never try this unless supervised by an adult.

greed

This tale starts out of greed, greed for the largest wind chimes I could afford and struggle home with. It is funny, chimes sound very soothing with the wind blowing gently through them, but as soon as you try to pick them up and carry them they turn into the chimes from Hell…clanking nonsense. There I was in The Great Outdoors nursery in Austin, eying-up some monster chimes. Like a complete nerd I had to try each one to find the one with “just the right notes and tonality”(You immediately forget what the previous set sounds like).  Back and forth I went like an obsessed percussionist to the dismay of the nursery’s staff.

I finally settled on the “set for me” – large but not too large, a deep zen sound with a slight discord . . . perfect!  I clanked my way to my truck and settled them down in the truck-bed with a blood-curdling, teeth-clenching sound (metal on metal) and rushed home to hoist them to their new home high in the trees.

images

The first inclination that this was going to be slightly tasking was when I had gathered the “mad octopus” clinking in one of my arms and started to head up my stepladder, which incidentally kept sinking into a bed of mulch. The gravity of my predicament started with the sudden awareness that the chimes were extremely heavy. I then realized that I had to go up very high on my stepladder to get the chimes to a tree limb high enough so that I wouldn’t be continuously hitting my head when walking underneath them. After 45 minutes of struggling in the heat with my “mad octopus” my new chimes were “up” in the Pecan tree next to my back deck. When I say “up” I actually meant that I had managed to only get them about 6ft off the ground. “I will just duck if I need to go by them,” I convinced myself.  I went to my outside refrigerator and grabbed a cold Corona, sat down, put my feet on a low table, and nursed the bruises on my head whilst waiting patiently for a breeze. About three days later, a breeze finally did blow in. The “deep zen sound with a slight dis-chord” was suddenly transformed into something loud enough to raise the dead,no, Nooo, NOOOO!

Word of warning:  just because something is new – it doesn’t mean you should position it close to you so you can see it or hear it!

I realized this was not yet over, I looked over with dread to my stepladder then down to my Post Oak at the end of my garden.

post_oak_tree
The chimes in their new home, they now sound just like I wanted them to. The deep bass sounds contrast with
a number of small, higher pitched wood and metal chimes surrounding the back deck. I now appreciate what
it takes to create a balance of sounds at various distances and pitches, the sign of a true gardening nerd!

Other Interesting things in the yard right now:


Burgundy Canna light show and the cool purples of Verbena in full bloom



Datura (Jimsonweed) caught early morning, dies to the ground in winter but returns each spring.


Night opening flowers get to 4-6″ wide.


” I told you we should have got a room in the four seasons, Gladdis.”

 

Stay Tuned for:

“The Pampas Chainsaw Massacre”


All material © 2009 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Growing up on a large dilapidated private estate in Scotland (Sprinkell) was somewhat isolating but definitely a magical experience. The forests had ‘dark’ areas in them, we all new them as kids, we gave them names and skirted around them if it was starting to get dark on the walk home. Perhaps these areas had negative energy, or maybe it was purely an aesthetic fear, I am not sure.

The Estate was at one time immaculately tended as well as immense. You could tell this from the nature of the mass plantings and long since covered landscaping and old rope bridges that traversed the river. The now defunct waterfalls, bamboo groves, and vine smothered summer houses were adopted as our playscape in the heart of the forest. My parents rented a cottage on the land while we renovated our future home (a 16th century cottage). We lived in the forest for 5 years in a house aptly called “Outerlands”- (I could write an entire book on the strange happenings in that house!)

The melancholic nature and atmosphere of the estate has stayed with me, the ominous presence of the dark areas is something you really have to ‘acclimatize’ to psychologically or else blind panic kicks in, which of course as kids we took great delight in.

The Mansion on the estate was built in 1734 and enlarged in 1818 by the Maxwell family, proprietors of the Barony of Kirkconnel and Springkell since 1609. In the ruined churchyard of Kirkconnel on the banks of the Kirtle in Springkell estate is the grave of Fair Helen Irving of Kirkconnel Lea of Robert Burns’ poem. (G.R. 250754):

O, that I were where Helen lies!
Night and day on me she cries;
O, that I were where Helen lies
In fair Kirkconnel lees.

O Helen fair! beyond compare,
A ringlet of thy flowing hair,
I’ll wear it still for evermair
Until the day I die.

Curs’d be the hand that shot the shot,
And curs’d the gun that gave the crack,
Into my arms bird Helen lap,
And died for sake o’ me.

O think na ye but my heart was sair,
My love fell down and spake nae mair,
There did she swoon wi’ meikle care
On fair Kirkconnel lee.

I lighted down, my sword did draw,
I cutted him in pieces sma’;
I cutted him in pieces sma;
On fair Kirkconnel lee.

O Helen chaste, thou wert modest
If I were with thee I were blest,
Where thou lies low, and takes they rest
On fair Kirkconnel lee.

I wish my grave was growing green,
A winding sheet put o’er my een,
And I in Helen’s arms lying
In fair Kirkconnel lee!

I wish I were where Helen lies!
Night and day on me she cries;
O, that I were where Helen lies
On fair Kirkconnel lee.

I spent many hours around here, the picture doesn’t do it justice!


The Graveyard on the Estate.

Sprinkell Mansion.

I relay this story to you because I wanted to re-create this sense of the unknown and natural unease in my now much smaller Texas urban landscape, but how to achieve it?. . . hmmm . . . . well, you cannot beat a dark spooky tunnel, can you? 

I built one and who moved in?

                                             The entrance to the tunnel is well guarded!

vines

Here is a view of the back entrance, away from the house – the structure is about 12 feet tall – the vines include Wisteria, Trumpet Vine and Confederate Jasmine.

garden_tunnel

View from the front (tunnel entrance on left)

Tearing the tunnel down was a difficult decision I made at the end of last year – it dawned on me what I had done. I had moved the shed because it blocked a more long distance view of the garden and replaced it with a living structure – Duh!

The tunnel was visually shrinking the yard – oh, and I forgot to add, it was nasty to walk down it, cobwebs, unearthly things falling down your neck etc, my cat at the time used it as her personal bidet!  Nope – you don’t wanna walk down there!

The structure was also creating too much shade – it was time to go. I also dug out the two plumosa ferns climbing the Bamboo poles. I did feel quite pleased that I had attained the ‘spooky’ nature I was looking for and I liked it for a while.

 I looked around for my Sledge Hammer…here we go again.


Stay Tuned for:

“There is a Monkey in my Giant Timber”


All material © 2009 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

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