“The Small Patch of Land that Time Forgot”

ESPatch Mar 29, 2013 6 comments

I am repeating myself.

There is an awful lot going on in and outside of here…

an awful lot indeed.

I put on my backpack, grabbed some

kendal-mint-cake-white-large

and embarked on another expedition, this time into my circular planting bed.

Hacking a path with my machete, the foliage at ground level was dense and foreboding, not much sunlight made it through the dense larkspur upper canopy.

There were occasional breaks in the foliage where water had, over thousands of years, eroded deep gorges and holes into the ancient rocks.

I observed Sedum reflexum growing as large as pine trees on some of the rock faces and massive tarp-like hoja santa leaves that offered protection from the sun.

This particular rock face had vertical drop-offs and treacherous pathways.

I passed what I assumed to be some of this regions indigenous tribes-folk, strangely they did not say a word.

At the summit of this mountain I was surprised to find

these exotic tiny frogs, basking in the filtered sunlight. I observed them for some time until the silence was broken by a loud whooshing sound over the other side of the rock face.

Jings, crivens help ma boab!

What was this place that time had forgot? (Overly dramatic score)

compass_telescope_old_treasure_map-1680x1050

In the next valley there were

towering toadstools and

groves of these “Jewels of Opar”,

though their “jewels” had a lot of growing to do…ahem.

High up in the distance I could make out the silhouettes of more monsters,

monsters that had…RETRACTED PROBOSCIS!

And you all know how I feel about those.

Of course there are other monsters that roam down the decomposed granite pathways in the Patch.

This one has a green thumb.

Yes it was time for me to exit this small patch of land that time had forgot before things got any more ridiculous.

Back to my normal size:

These star gazer lilies sit there most of the year doing absolutely nothing. They burn at the edges in the middle of summer, require some trimming, but once a year, for a very short time they do this:

Which makes it worthwhile…I think.

The bluebonnets have also done amazing well despite the worsening drought situation in central Texas.

I even have one white one…just the one.

White bluebonnets are the result of a mutation in one of the genes responsible for producing the blue pigment of the flower, they are quite a rare phenomena, pink bluebonnets being the rarest.

Finally:

Now the neighborhood kids are getting in on the climbing the hobbit gate act.

The “Oh, I don’t think so” image of the week:

Stay Tuned for:

“Darkness Returns”

All material © 2013 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

“Taking Care of Business”

ESPatch Jan 20, 2013 5 comments

The Patch computer has taken a turn for the worse the past couple of weeks.

What started off as a slight motherboard sniffle quickly mutated into something much more sinister, ultimately resulting in my laptop not booting up even in safe mode. Yes it was time to see a specialist for a professional opinion.

I will have the final prognoses later this week, in the meantime I am relegated to writing this post on ancient laptop that obtains power from a modified bicycle and an elaborate series of wheels and pulleys that reside in the corner of my living room.

HG Wells This is really annoying for anyone trying to watch TV due to the annoying clanking and whirring and spinning of its old fashioned drives. “Aw come on dad, tell me you are not going to type, Ninjago is coming on!”

Another unfortunate prognosis was made this week that caused a flurry of activity involving our washing machine, combs and copious amounts of coconut oil.

You guessed it…

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head lice.

Pediculosis capitis

Brrr, brrr and more brrr.

This shot was taken through a magnifying glass.

My wife, being a hairdresser, on discovering these hard to spot critters, went swiftly into action. With the silence of a nit-picking professional ninja she gathered up sheets, fabrics, clothes, combs, brushes and hats…our washer and dryer have been running ever since. At some point during the activity we all smelled a pungent burning aroma but could not figure out where it was emanating from. A couple of hours later:

It turned out that it was my comb…in the microwave!

“Captain, any threat of contagion has been neutralized”.

With the neutralization of the Klingons, events have returned to our usual definition of normality.

For him it was back to stripping the seed heads from the cattails…

…giggling, and depositing them over his grandparents and resident house elf.

For our creatively tormented chef, some rather dubious looking “oysters” on-the-half-shell remarkably found their way onto the evening menu:

Err, thank you Chef?

And where there are cattails, a fire is never far behind:

This fire used two cattail heads as tinder with some impressive fall on your back results:

Some Indians burned these mature seed heads to extract the small seeds from the fluff to add to gruel and soups. If dried the seed heads (still attached to their stalks) can also be dipped into melted animal fat or oil and used as torches.

Other things happening in the Patch:

I can smell you but I cannot see you.

We have a number of resident cats in the Patch that torment him on a daily bases and as much as he sounds ferocious, all the cats know he cries like a baby, he really does cry like a baby. Normally he has a significant beagle howl but when a cat clips him with a sharpened claw all his vocal bravado immediately retreats into a ridiculous dog-scream, he is a shadow of his former self.

Edvard Munch_The Scream

When the unimaginable occurs and his embarrassing”scream” has been emitted for all to hear and laugh at, he retreats to a safe distance and lets out a normal howl, but it is not quite normal, it is an ego shattered howl and he knows that everyone else knows that it is.

I cut back my gopher plants a few weeks ago and they have rallied, producing a lot of new growth

I will cut back the old spears further when these new shoots get bigger. The old spears provide some protection from trampling (especially if sharpened into latex dripping points)

This year I also have two baby gophers that I did not plant:

Let there be gophers.

It looks like it is going to be a good year for whatever this is? baby Larkspur?

Finally:

A couple more before and after shots of a recent garden design I have completed, here is the front proposal:

Grass removal, naturally.

Meandering pathways replace linear walkway / driveway to facilitate a more interesting flow through the space both functionally and visually.