The Hypnotist

ESPatch Oct 5, 2018 3 comments

Shut your eyes…deep, deep breaths…and relax!

You are thinking happy thoughts, thoughts from your childhood, thoughts that do not involve the remodeling of the Patch, nail guns or the continuing prevalence of spray painted succulents in large box stores.

Your mind is set free, free from the burden of backyard refrigerator focal points.

(Okay not quite)

Free from the billowing of plastic draped walls,

and the 7 month rustle of a Tyvek bathroom doorway.

Your breathing is getting heavier and your eyes are beginning to close, first the left then the right, you are falling into a deep, deep sleep.

In this sleep the things that annoy you fall away.

You are no longer concerned or disturbed at just how many stickers can a pair of slippers pick up while taking the short walk to take out the trash.

Or why there is a huge festering slab of fungi growing at the base of one of your knockout roses or why an even stranger stand of Chocolate tube slime mold (hairy stemonitos) has taken up residence on an outdoor table leg.

Brrr.

Even the disturbing amount of weeds are no longer your concern.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Look at this mess!

Chocolate tube slime mold?

Seriously?

3-2-1…You are awake, feeling totally anxious and overwhelmed.

(That’s more like it!)

Yes, this is what 7 months of complete neglect looks like. I think it looks worse than what it is, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

Loki is having a great time exploring her new weedy paradise.

Cat in the Canna.

Her first venture outside…on a leash!

There has been so much going on inside our house with our remodel I have hardly ventured outside…not to water, not to feed and certainly not to weed. Oh and don’t get me started on how bad the mosquitoes are this year.

I don’t even consider venturing out onto the front porch at this point without first taking some rudimentary precautions.

The new den, all finished!

Remodeled bathroom…got to take that sticker off the window.

Our old living room has now become our dining room.

It fits well with our distressed new ship-lapped walls.

Back outside the Patch the Gulf Muhly

Muhlenbergia capillaris

are in full swing,

one of my favorite native grasses.

This and Lindheimer Muhly…I cant decide.

Mist flowers are also entering their prime,

bringing with them clouds of American Snout butterflies.

Libytheana carinenta

We have a bumper crop of Celosia this year.

Oh and one scary clown.

Stay Tuned For:

“Hairy Roger”

All material © 2018 for eastsidepatch. Unauthorized
intergalactic reproduction strictly prohibited, and
punishable by late (and extremely unpleasant)
14th century planet Earth techniques.

Monster in the Closet

ESPatch Jul 1, 2018 3 comments

“Want a balloon?”

We recently met the cast of “IT”at the “Texas Frightmare” horror convention in Dallas.

My day was made when I glanced to my left and spotted Doug Bradley:

I bet he never thought that he would end up featuring on a garden blog post

about Buttonbush!

http://www.eastsidepatch.com/2012/09/mind-your-dual-language/

“Your suffering will be legendary for this ESPatch.”

But the ‘Monster in the Closet’ I am referring to is not Pennywise,

or Pinhead, or that particularly disturbing demon on top of the closet from the Conjuring. Brrr.

No…it is this bundle of mayhem:

Her name is Loki.

She uses my left leg as her climbing post to get up onto our couch.

Oh you thinks that’s funny?

A psychological adjustment for Kumo to say the least, but he did okay. Here she is a few weeks later and already much bigger.

The white tip on Kumo’s tail makes the best cat toy, well it will when I spray it with fixative and rub some catnip on it.

Here is something I keep seeing around but don’t understand:

Prickly pears next to a public sidewalk and parking lot…and these are babies! They should have gone all-out and stuffed in some sotals and barrel cactus right up against the sidewalk on the right side, just to balance out the scene?

“Spock Analysis?”

“Planting Opuntia, in this location is highly illogical Captain”.

“Scans suggest this could be a defensive measure between opposing factions of the era, or simply a highly questionable choice of Cactaceae for a public sidewalk?”

“Captain, caution is advised”.

“Dam it Jim, Spock warned you about that sidewalk!”

I mean seriously.

Talking of barrel cactus, how about these fake lovelies from IKEA?

Fejka Me!

I am not sure what disease is affecting all my Hoja Santa…

Oh wait, yes I do.

It is a rare affliction called sheetrockious, sheetymessious.

It quickly mutated into a wood pile.

Never has there been a more depressing stand of Hoja Santa…right next to the garden refrigerator (I don’t even notice that anymore)…how fitting.

Yes, it is still construction central inside of the Patch.

To meet code we had to put sheet-rock on all the walls and ceiling.

The walls were then covered with shiplap to match the longleaf pine of rest of the house. I have a lot of staining in my future.

His future room.

Arizona Blue-Ice cypress cooling down the summer.

I planted these Yucca Rostrata late last year and they were tiny.

They have come a long way in a short period of time.

I plan to weave some flagstone through here at some point.

A wishful rain-gauge.

I will leave you with one final monster I found online: